Doreen's thoughts

Northern Ireland and Ireland

2012-02-15T21:33:00.002+08:00

next destination, on the 24th of January I believe(well i had too much fun n sengaja wanna lost in time, so i didnt really know wats d date on tat day. so i had to count d day tat i've been ther to know d date), yup, u got it, d Irish land, n d first thing tat came up in my mind was d little green guy wif beard n vikings. Oh did i mention tat d day b4, on d 23th jan, it was mum's birthday n since we left KL at 6pm on d 22th n arrived London at 1am UK time on d 23th, its like we celebrated mum's birthday in 2 days cos while we were half way to london, it was 23th of jan in Malaysia n wen we arrived london 6 hours later, it was just d beginning of mum's birthday, AGAIN. So no doubt tat was her longest birthday ever n its kinda cool cos we were like stuck in time n ol d way from kl to london, for 14 hours, it was always dark like as if we were running away from d sun.

Ok, so we got on an EasyJet from London to Belfast n just b4 we landed on d 'plane track', we(da sabahans) got so excited wen we saw herds of sheep frm our plane n d land was so green n 'farmy'. Oh did i mention tat since ther were just a few ppl on d same flight wif us, literally we can only hear our own voice during d whole journey, well typical asian kan. n do you know tat since we gt on our flight to london frm kl till tis second, we had to constantly 'shhh' each other because we were so used to our bising culture, bt of course no matter how much noise we made during d whole trip, still couldnt compare wif d noise tat we usually make in kk.

Alrite, after d sheep part, lets proceeds to our amazement part wen we're on our way to our hotel in a public transport(yup, tis whole trip, we explore europe by ourselves). Oh ya, d exploration on d land of d irish will nt b complete without Enya's songs playing in my phone. i really dunno how to explain ireland, especially while we were on our way to dublin d next day. Its like d magical feeling wen u listen enya's songs. Bt if u look around ireland while listening to her songs, i think u wont need drugs in ur life anymore. Bt 1 thing's for sure, d irish english was totally out of 'rhythm' if u comparethem wif d Londoners'. It was so hard for me to understand them tat i literally need to focus on the movement of their lips too while listening to them. So u can imagine my small asian eyes kena dikecilkan sikit lagi sbab terlampau fokus.

So basically, i would say tat Ireland, both d UK part n d non-UK part are:
1)since belfast n dublin r like a student concentrated zone, things r not so expensive(if u earn pounds, its gonna b like just clipping nails wen u pay for something or even everything).
2)Public toilets are OK except in Dublin, but still cant compare wif d toilets in Center Point.
3)D food were really good n not too expensive. My order, which was d most expensive among all d orders made by my family n also d most expensive one tat i've ever ordered during my whole time in Ireland, only cost me 12.00pounds. (12poundsx5=RM60)
4)Do u know tat Guinness was originated from Ireland? yup, they were super duper good
5)d people were nice n helpful(most of them). Eg, after our lunch in a very nice pub in Dublin, as we were about to leave(it was raining), d waitress gave us umbrellas lagi.
6)Dublin was d place tat made me feel grateful tat my home is in Malaysia. Seriously, in terms of d surrounding condition, Malaysia is way better. But still, Ireland is about NATURE. I didnt get d chance to see wat i saw i d tv about their nature because we shop too much. So i couldnt give any overall comment.
7)Do u know tat Titanic, d big ship tat's famous because of Jake n Rose, was built in Ireland n sailed from there? D docking spot was still there. Well, for me, i only knew it wen i was brought to a ship building site(still till today) in a Black Cab.
8)Catholic is best not to marry a Protestant there. Cases like these do occur but they have to move to London to get away from controversies.
All in all, i would rate d whole Ireland as A. Everything was just nice but it just didnt leave a very deep feeling in me, maybe its because we havent seen their beautiful view of nature yet. I know its not fair for them but i think i would rank ireland at sixth place.

Btw, i bought some Irish tea n they are so aromatic tat u would wanna keep smelling it b4 u pour hot water on d small teabag, after u pour water on it n even after u take a few sip, u just dont wan to swallow it because u'll wan to leave d aroma in ur mouth.

i cant speak wenever im eating tis, it was just so good

London. England

2012-02-06T01:39:00.000+08:00

We leave kk on the 21st of january for KL on d 2pm AirAsia flight n we stay d night in KL. The next day, we sempat lagi shopping in MidValley before goin to d airport for our 14 hours direct AirAsia flight to Gatwick airport, London at 6pm. I had to take 2 biji motion sickness pills for d flight because in my memory, i was puking wen i reached heathrow airport 15years ago. Not wanting the history to happen again, better hantam saja d medicine kan...

All we did during our whole journey to London was:
-eat
-drink
-sleep
-pee
-stand up because mum wan to pee(i sat near d 'corridor')
-play 'smurf village'
-play 'angry bird'
-thinking about london
-cubuk d orang putihs in our flight
-n then eat again
-starting to complain
-n then get excited again
-n looking at d GPS to know d countries tat we pass by
-shivering because it was soooooooo cold bt too lazy to take out our winter clothing in our bag

We reached london on the 23th of january at 1am UK time, n its still mum's birthday( yep her birthday is on d 23th of january). 2 days bha her birthday.

So we slept for a few hours n then at 4am we woke up again because its noon in malaysia. our biological alarm clock says nap time is over. So we have start our day at 4am....

On that day, we went to a lot of places in London by d hop on hop off bus. d temperature was just above 0 deg cels but ~~because we dont want to rugi,~~ we sat at d top level of d bus even tho d wind was literally biting our faces.

Something i've noticed about London:
-so many indians
-brits r frenly n crazy
-i love their english
-our cost of living in malaysia is higher even wen its in pound in d UK
-A lot of asians as well
-u can never worry about goin into a dirty toilet because they dont exist there, they even hav hygiene inspection every few minutes
-they're really proud about d harry porter movie sampai daniel radcliff punya sekolah mau disebutnya 5,6 kali. bt isnt robert pattison a brit too...
-ppl r nt afraid to do something tat u would think only crazy ppl would do
-i fell in love in London

Generally, i rate london an A n d ppl, an A also. Among ol d countries tat i've been to in this europe trip, i would rank it as 4th place. maybe its because london is too cliche for me already

Tis is wen i was on d hop on hop off bus. I love it even tho it was freezing cold up ther

The best time of my life

2012-02-05T23:04:00.001+08:00

As ya'll know, i went for a vacation in europe with my parents n some relatives from the 21st of january till d fourth of february 2012. This was the trip that i've never thought tat would happen to me again since i last stepped foot on europe was 15 years ago. And my memories about europe before this recent trip was nearly zero but i didnt forget that its a place wher all d big hotdogs and best bacons in the world are, n it turns out tat im still right.

Europe is a place tat everyone must visit(be it anywher as long as its in europe) at least once in ur lifetime ~~no matter how much u love ur country.~~ People are extremely good looking n nice over ther, tho not all of them. And even tho how much u realize how big n great n weird human being and tis world may be, u will never get d real picture of it until u c it urself(thru poster is not 'sah'). I'll post one by one of d countries that i've visited recently in different posts and sorry if its kinda late for me to post them here now. I'm still sad n emo for leaving europe. Seriously, i think i need to 'call' my semangat back from europe. And i'll upload the one photo that is most meaningfull for me here, 1 photo for each country. d rest of them u can find them in my facebook photos.

2012-01-21T10:19:00.001+08:00

Can't believe tat tis day would come again.... look how small ~~,cute and slim~~ i was since my last visit to europe. okayyy, tis photo was taken in Holland and we're not going ther tis time, instead,we're going to KL tis afternoon n then d following day will take off to London. Places we go? London, Ireland, Poland, Italy and lastly Paris. U know, everytime i think about tis trip, i will always hav to take a deep breath after tat, so tisshows how excited i am about tis trip. n yet, i havent finish packing my stuff yet :p

Byebye KK n definitely byebye Malaysia~~ tata

2012-01-14T21:53:00.001+08:00

its d imperfections in life tat makes it a life, our lives.

Yup, i survived my first semester final exam, n tis coming monday will b my last paper for this semester.

Wat i realized is tat everytime after u hav worked so hard for sumthn n got thru it, d joy n satisfaction of it is just so so soooo.........*i dunno how to describe it.........

i dunno if i rocked tis exam, but im just so glad tat its over now. bt ther was a problem. Last week i sat for my Tamadun Islam dan Asia(TITAS) paper n im sure i sucked so badly. I really tot i was a superwoman i guess, cos i really didnt touch d TITAS book at all. U know, if u hav put ur best foot forward on sumthn but even thou u didnt succeed, u will still feel satisfied. But if u failed because u didnt do ur best, u'll feel like killing urself(dnt worry, i wont).

But like i said, watever its gonna turn out, i'll accept it, because i can always repeat d paper n im nt gonna feel ashame about it. bt lets hope i dnt need to.... nitey

2012-01-09T20:19:00.001+08:00

I thought tat dad has already let go of his hope for me to be a doctor. Well, tats wat i tot. few days ago, he still say something like 'if you________________, u would hav get d medical course'. Guess he's still heartbroken tat im not gonna b a doctor. ther r many doctors out ther, bt how many good doctors are there. Am i capable of bein a good doctor? Getting a MD itself is hard enough.

Like seriously, doctors hav no life. Even if u would do it for d money, d moment i got rich, im gonna b too old n hav too much illness to enjoy my life.

Well can't blame dad for tat. Its my own fault too tat i gave him hope for it. If i were strong n brave enough to tell him earlier tat i dont want to go to medical school, he would have not contacted d agent n pay for d admission fee. Its about d money, its d HOPE tat he has for me. N i also need time to think about it because its my future tat we'r talking about. I cannot just giv an answer without thinking about it.

He needs to let it go. I'm ~~trying to be~~ in love with Geology.

2012-01-03T09:54:00.002+08:00

im afraid, soooo afraid...... i used to b a person who only relax on my exam day n just thinking 'bring it on, im gonna rock tat paper'. bt now, i dunno wat to expect, im still doin my revision like for d thousand times n yet, im still feeling hopeless...

2012-01-02T21:08:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow at 2pm, i will b sitting for my 1st paper. Still remember i said sumthn about nt being able to do d past years questions in my previous post? Well, after tat i went thru everythin again n again n again, until i realised tat d problem was not me or my tofu brain but its because of my way of studying it was wrong. Really really wrong......... Its just tat wen i study, i didnt connect between d things tat i've read. All tis while, d way i study is d way tat i was used to last time in form 5 n matrics. I gotta admit, my syllabus now is nothin if compared to form 5 n matrics bt in uni, d 'style' of d questions r more to application. They r nowhere near to direct questions like in form 5 n matrics.

Anyhow, im not saying im gonna b able to do better now. I swear i need luck to answer d questions tomorrow n also in all of d othr papers to come. btw, countdown of 19days to kl, then to europe. well, atleast thers sumthn amazing tat is gonna happen to my life very soon despite all these crap.

Future?!

2011-12-28T21:01:00.000+08:00

Im afraid of d future, my future.... wen i think about it, ther r so many 'wat if, tis....', 'wat if, tat....'. Mayb i set a goal tat is too high for me to reach. I must say, im not a very 'hebat' type of person. I'm nt a genius(or not even at least above average), im not a brave person n worst, i dnt even knw wat is my strength. Im always d average gal, nothin more than tat. n yet, funny how i set my goal tat high. Im thinking of takin master in overseas n try to make a livin ther, bt i dnt knw if i hav tat ability to do so. B4 i start my degree in geology in ums, i even made a 'contract' wif dad tat i would go to overseas right after my degree bt here i am, less than a week b4 sitting 4 my first exam paper, still literally zero. i mean i've read thru almost everything bt wen i try to do those past years question, i can only answer 10% of it. It just makes me so discouraged and i dnt knw if i can go thru everything again. I must admit tat im not smart enough, sumthn tat i've knwn since forever, bt funnily enough, mum n dad hav such high hopes for me. I knw they will just accept me for i am bt i knw if i flunk tis, they will definitely be heart broken. Yah i knw, im stayin at home, so thers no reason for me to not score, but sumtimes, if ur too comfortable, u will just slack. Thers too much entertainment at home n also in tis city of mine, plus havin my own car, apa lagi kan...

Watever tat will happen in my future, i cannot predict it. only God knows wats gonna happen to me. But God, plz, I just wan my hardwork to pay off. Well, not tat im so hardworking right nw, so God, plz also giv me d strength to be really focus on my studies n then i will succeed.

2011-12-13T16:39:00.000+08:00

As much as i cant wait for my europe trip on tis coming Jan 21st, i dnt want my final exam for tis semester to come. It is undeniable tat geology is much easier than medic course, tats y mum n dad really hav high hopes for me to score high pointer. My gawd, geology, no matter hw easier it is if compared wif medic, bt its nt easy 4 me(well, nothin's ezsy rite). I must say, im afraid n worried. Well, its nt like im feeling like tis bcos of them, bt i also worried for my future. Tis is my future, i choose tis course. Like for pete's sake, hw on earth can u study n memorize n really put ur soul into sumthn as dull n dead as rocks.... God plz help me, i need d strength to stay strong. I cant afford to be broken down nw.

politics

2011-12-08T22:15:00.001+08:00

I hate politics, nt only d type tat happens in d DUN or even goverment, bt ol kinds of it. if play badminton, play la, y does sum ppl wan to hurt my feelings like tat. Ya, im maybe a hard person, bt i will always remember wat other ppl hav done to me n get disturbed by it. yaya, i know, forgive n forget rite... in tis case, i really cannot tolerate wif d words tat came out from tis specific person. im keeping it to myself because i do realise tat im nt a state player or watever, tats y im being quiet. "Gud la u can get him as ur partner". If u wan him u take him la... n tats just 1 of d heart breaking incidents.

filtering words b4 they got out from my lips

2011-12-03T22:24:00.001+08:00

I wish tat i can find a fren tat i can share just anything to him/her. Its really hard tat u need to analysis tat sum1 b4 u talk about sumthn. Owh, i wish i hav a twin sister.

Europe trip

2011-11-26T21:41:00.001+08:00

yup, after 11 years since I last stepped on d land of europe,finally, i get to step on it again next year during Chinese New Year(for 12 days). Guess wats d first thing tat popped up in my mind? ~~I get to feel like wat Harry Potter felt in Hogwarts~~ nyahahahahhah..... i said tis because we're gonna visit my cousin's uni in Belfast and d uni tat dad went for his MBA, Durham University (our highlights of d trip). U know how Harry Potter-ry UK's unis are aite... I've been so excited n high since d first time mum asked me whether i want to go wif them or not, n i answered 'is tat even a question? yeshhh of course' along wif my senyum kambing lagi. My gudness, tis is just mad.... We goin to England, Scotland, Ireland, Italy and France babyyyy!!! I really wanna share tis to my frens because i feel like exploding but i dnt wan to let them feel like im bragging n showing off, so i just share it here because i know tis blog of mine is like 1 Borneo at 7am. Life is good u know, even tho im a hopeless romantic, bt only 1 in 20 of UMS students is as fortunate as me. Actually, i've always known tat im a very fortunate gal, tats y i would always help other ppl n animals. Not tat i want to get reward frm god, bt i just cannot live wif d feelings tat im enjoying sumthin bt at d same time, others r suffering or sad.

Ok next highlight of tis post, me n my badminton teammate won d Sukan Mahasiswa Borneo(SUKMAB), so we may be sent to MASUM by our uni, which marks d first time ever tat UMS is doin tis. My gudness, MASUM wor, a very big event n dream for every uni students. MASUM which stands for Majlis Sukan Universiti Malaysia, is an inter-uni sports carnival participated by all unis throughout Malaysia. I must say, im not really tat gud in badminton if compared to my teammates tat either represented their states before or ever participated in SUKMA. So for me to even gt d chance to participate in tis game is big enough.

Nevertheless, europ-ing comes first b4 d MASUM thing. So let get high for europe first n imagine me curi makan d flakes before we get high for MASUM k.

Geology

2011-10-28T18:20:00.002+08:00

Geology is interesting ~~if minus d rocks part and the sun.~~ Im starting to really love tis course (b4 tis im so eager to take Geology bt actually i dnt knw a thing about it).

One more thing i like about bein a geology student is tat i dnt easily freak out wen ppl say/lie/assume tat d end of d world is drawing near because i know tat its not.

Once sum1 even said tat d Mount Kinabalu is gonna explode(since its a volcano). If they told me tis b4 im in tis course, i would b so stupid to believe n get worried over nothin, bt fortunately, they told me tis just recently n i ended up asking them y would they say tat, is it to make ppl worried or to let ppl knw tat ur a ms/mr-know-it-all bt d truth it, u know nothing. Like seriously, dnt make a statement without bein sure about it. if ur an earth scientist n u really know how things work, then its ok. Ppl nowadays just simply make up stories for God knows why. Come on ppl, false alarm is destuctive okay....

So, things r okay at d moment, quite busy bt still able to breath. My seniors r okay, polite n helpful. My school is not as beautiful as Hogwarts, bt still lovely, condusive n comfortable. N my goodness, almost everything is batu, batu and batu. We touch d batu, we draw d batu, we tukul d batu from a formation, we menghayati d beauty of d batu n wat else.......... maybe one day we'll talk to d batu as well.

Well, tats just generally, still at d beginning of everything. So, will b bak wif more posts... chiao

D future geologists....

2011-10-16T16:22:00.002+08:00

all these while I never trust anyone from west malaysia, till i met this group of west malaysian that is so down-to-earth and get my sense of humour. U know, its so hard to find a chinese to understand my joke, bt tis time, I found a group of them. However, they are best frens since they came to UMS, which is a month n a half already, n i just met them a few weeks ago, so im actually quite afraid tat they r unable to accept me into their group. But watever it is, i like them, they r so not wat i always c in other west malaysians, n if they cant accept me into their group, i got nothin to lose rite since im a local i always got my family. Neways, my point is tat not every west malysians r the same.

different vs normal

2011-08-15T23:55:00.003+08:00

I used to think that to b normal like anybody else is d way tat u can cope wif ur frens n b accepted into d society....

well, im 19 now n at last, i realized tat nobody's normal(as in common in anyways). theyr just normal because theyr trying so hard to b like other ppl(to b like celebrities for instance) n for sure, every1 hv their own secrets.

ok b4 i go any further, i think ppl define normal roughly as common.

alrite, havin said so, i used to think tat i hav to b like other ppl in order to b normal/common so tat i dont look like freaks. bt wat i didnt know is tat wats d good of being normal(common) if im nt comfortable wif being nt d real me.

yup, i've becoming more of 'me' now, tat is, to b just as i am. u know, i've always known tat im different in so many ways, n wif d idea tat im not as 'normal', it really was hurtful. bt not for long. My frens can accept me as who i am n i dont feel like a freak when im at anywher.

so, wat can u do for me? dont ever ever ever judge me. i hav my very dark secrets tat only my closest frens know(my family dont even know abt it) n i know u hav too. so, u deal wif ur own problem, n i deal wif mine. n 'u' is referring to every1/d public.

ok, my point of posting tis is tat, im different in some ways n my difference is similar to a few people's difference out ther(meaning ther are ppl like me out ther n we hav d same specific problem). n some ppl did comment about tat matter(tat has to do wif our problems) n it hurts me n ppl like me so much. So, watever it is, dont criticize other ppl, plz, im begging u. ur hurting somebody else wen u do so. n most importantly, no matter wat u say, i will not change in order to be 'normal', bt will always b me, as who i am.

n u know wat? i would like to define normal as being comfortable, not common.

owh n 1 more thing, dont guess what's my problem or secret is.

2011-08-13T21:34:00.002+08:00

tomorrow our dato lee chong wei will b facing d 'manners-less' Lin Dan... Hope dato will win this.

And about d unfortunate Malaysian student in UK, i think tat its kinda good tat ppl really sees this cz wif this incident, d british(n other countries) will finally take 'real' action(hopefully) to try to vanish d crimes tat they already hw is happening bt just 'tutup sebelah mata' all these time.

I really hope tat UK will maintain it's good image of being d country wif good people in it(tats wat i thought it is)

brush the rust off my blog

2011-08-10T21:52:00.003+08:00

okay, im finally back n gonna do as the title above.

well, many things had happened during the whole time im not here... tho i did come bak few times just to read sumbody else blogs, bt just nt in d mood of updating mine.... n sumhw, today, im gonna start blogging again. well, im nt expecting ppl to cme bak here since my blog has been dead for more than a year nw. so, i actually feel more comfortable blogging nw, cz nobody's gonna read it anyway. it just that i dunno who i want to share some of my thoughts to, so im just gonna spill out everythn here.

so wat past is past, so am gonna just blog abt stuff tats in my mind in these few days.

yesterday, i told dad tat i wanna go to canada to continue my master after i gt my degree n he was like 'mana kau saja, klu ko tidak sayang bapa, di sana la kau'. . i was like 'huh, sya balik jg bha nanti, sya mau kerja dlu sekejap(as in at least 5 yrs) di sana, lpas tu balik la'.

I'm just worried tat he might think tat i would leave him n dnt wana take care of him(n mom) when theyr old. its totally nt like tat. im a person tat wana spread my wings n fly n stand up by myself whenever i fell. tats just who i really am, n i never thought abt havin babies. that kind of plan never comes into my mind, well of course 1 day i would bt now, or maybe even 5 to 10 yrs to come, it just wont be an issue or matter to me. maybe its because im phobia of both my 2-3yrs old active nephews. dnt get me wrong, i do love them soooooooooo muuuuuuchhhhhhhhhhhh, bt its a 24hour job every single day.

besides, i choose to be a geologist, tho i do hav d chance to take medic in rusia(we'll talk abt this ltr), im gonna hav to go here n there at anytime, n nt to mention tat i'll be in a foreign country for quite some time. so i dnt get to spend some quality time wif them. so y bother havin a neglected child right?

n abt d medical degree in rusia, yep, dad really wanted me to b a doctor, n i do ever dreamt of being 1, bt its a tough course n bein a doctor is nothin like getting respect frm somebody all d time bcz of d M.D, u gotta earn d respect even after u've gone thru 6 yrs of hell(i mean studies) to gt d degree.

if ur a fan of Grey's Anatomy, wat u saw in the movie is exactly what happens to all d doctors, accept d Dr Mark Sloan part, cz d hot one dont exist. d six packs will just disappear since the first day of housemanship. Besides, for me, i would trust d nt so handsome 1 more than d handsome 1 cz the nt so handsome 1 would likely b more pro. bt if u hav wat it takes to b a true doc n really hav d heart to b 1, u will definitely survive n b a saviour. if me, im nt even sure if i can pass in med school. I chicken-ed out in d 6 yrs of hell part.

So, i may nt b saving lives, bt i can help an oil company to b richer so tat they would do some charity(as if they would/maybe).

we'll see....

chicken pox

2011-02-21T21:36:00.002+08:00

okay, actually, I had fever n diarrhoe since last sunday bt I jz ignore it bcz I was busy wif da musical sketch thing until last thursday the 1st pox pop out on my face n walah!!! Bt still, I ignore it again till d nxt day it increase to 16 n tat's it, it suspected it was it... n on friday i went 2 a clinic n I was conformed by d doctor tat I'm having chic pox. yup, I was happy at first cz I gt 2 cme bak hme until d nxt day again, my face looked like a witch(biji here n ther n looks like wanna explode at any time).

So I came bak hme last saturday thru flight. it was still ok tat day n u may b wondering wat diarrhoe hav to do wif d pox... well, it's actually like this, b4 d pox pop out on my skin, they pop out in my colon n tats y I gt diarrhoe.

anyways, d nxt day again, which was yesterday. I think it was the peak of d disease n damn those pox, they're freaking itchy n I turn so super duper ugly n still ugly till now. Bro gt the pox a month ago n he's face is getting better already. So, I'm gonna look like a witch for a month? well, at least I get to escape frm matrics for 1 week hihi...

p/s: I'm even afraid to look into d mirror or even touching my face

2011-01-30T22:09:00.002+08:00

at last, I'm blogging again!!! well actually, I'm only able to do tis wen I'm at home a.k.a holiday... it's not holiday yet at my college in KML but I take extra 1day holiday for tomorrow n the nxt day wilayah day n the rest of the days in this week are hols already for CNY. I was like 'my mom's chinese' wen I asked for extra hol from the timbalan pengarah tat day n was approved, yayyy....

neways gotta really enjoy tis hols bcz I dont think im comin bak again after tis until 2 months from nw, tat is wen I finish my matriculation program... but I will find a way to cme bak on weekend in the middle of the 2 months bcz seriously, I can die if i dont. its not like I'm a bawah ketiak gal bt I juz cant stnd my life there at d dorm.

nehow, ther is juz tis 1 thang in my mind tat make me feel so... undecided??!

well, I've always want to go to overseas n mom knows tat too bt i kinda blew tat opportunity wen I didnt get 4 flat for my PSPM 1. anyhow, I know tat is not the noktah yet, maybe it's juz not my time yet. yup, I'm starting to believe in fate now n maybe there's reason y I didnt get 4 flat despite being a pemalas. u know, u will only succeed if u hav ur parents blessings. like me, b4 my exam tat day, dad told me tat I must at least get As in Bio n Chemy n guess wat, I really did n funny thing is tat I didnt get an A in maths n I believe bcz it was not mentioned tat time by dad... It's like I was set to not get an A in it bcz d nite b4 the paper, i can do tat certain question, bt then the nxt day, the same style of question came out n I dont know how to do alraedy, I was so blank n I cant remember wat I studied the nite b4.

so, my main point is tat our fate is sometimes out of our control n also we need our parents blessings on tat something that we'r doin in order to succeed.

n then, tis morning at d church while we'r waiting for the mass to start, me mom kinda talked abt wat happened in Rusia recently n one of my frens is goin to Moscow to study medic n yadayada... suddenly, she told me tat study medics in rusia dont need to get 4 flat n I still can go ther wif my matrics result if I want to, n the places tat I can go r Kursk, Moscow, Volgograd n somethingsomething n if JPA don want send me, YS will always be available.... Even tho I dont really want to be a doctor, my eyes kinda terbuka a bit wen I heard tat. Bt am I really tat desparate to go overseas till I may not care whether will I like my job in the future? I'm not a person who can sit in a room n do my stuff all day long or maybe even stay the nite there, like a doctor in a hospital. If pharmacy ok lagi, bt as a doctor? I'm a competitive person bt I wont sacrifice the kind of job tat I want(but not sure will hav a gud future or not) just bcz I dont want to lose to my bro.

I used to think the other way round until I watched 3 idiots. Tat movie made me laugh n cry n I really learned sumthng from it, tat is, it is important to do wat ur heart says. I felt like I'm like the fat guy among the 3 of them. His parents wanted him to bcome an engineer bt his passion is photography. n bcz of tat, I alwayz flunk his exams(uninterested). then, after telling his family abt wat he really want to do, he was opposed bt in the end was approved. n he ended up being very successful even tho wat he's doin may not seem to hav a gud future in d beginning. Bt bcz of he's doin somethn tat he like, he succeeded.

As for me, I want to be a geologist bt am afraid abt d job demand. Bt I don know will I ended up like tat fat guy in the movie. bsides, it's juz a movie bt wif a msg tat hav a big impact on me. After this, I'm sure I can get the course in our local uni throughout msia(n logically, without CGPA 4.o, I wont get medics or pharmacy course).

So, I'm sooooooooooo in my world of pening.... Bt still, better I don think abt it nw. I want to happy2 1st...

surviving in KML

2010-06-06T19:50:00.003+08:00

woww... it's been exactly a month since I came KML. Many hav I gone thro in this 1 month. Life's hard here but I remember my cousin told me that all successfull people have their own difficult days before they reach their success. So, I'm gonna make sure that every second that I'm here is worth it. Some people told me to find a boyfriend here n all I can do is just laugh n take their words as a joke. Seriously, blowing off my last chance to overseas just because of some guy here that dont even hav a guarantee to get into uni n get a degree?

Each n every day that I'm here, with all the difficulties that I'm facing, I always remind myself to work hard so that I will be rich in the future n not stuck in a life as hard as this. If I dont get a good grade here, I wont get a course that can give me a good future, n the consequence? small pay n hard life like this. Seriously, I cant live like this forever.

but one thing that always brighten up my days here, they r my roomies.... we're so close n I can say there r no other room like us. N I'm so bless to get a block that is least creppy than the other blocks. Since I'm here, I'm not gonna complaint anymore but just live with anything that doesnt satisfy me (TOILET).

I believe that being here is part of God's plan for me. Somehow, I think He's trying to train me to b a real human being like what my dad said to me before I came here, 'baru kau jd manusia bila kau suda di sana'. I have to, dad's right this time. So right. I've never been so independant like this b4.

Whatever my problems r, only God can help me now. Amen

Labuan Matriculation College a.k.a KML a.k.a KMheLL

2010-05-29T21:25:00.002+08:00

After 3 weeks I've been there, I hav to say that I'm starting to enjoy life there, but still I'm glad to be at home now because there's no place like home n I said I enjoy life there, not the place. No matter what, I will never like that place, EVERRRRR!!!

Did I mentioned that I almost quite n come back home on the 2nd night? I'm so not embarassed to say it out loud because I fell rather proud when I tell this to everyone because for me, living there for 3 weeks had really passed my limit. I mean, I never thought that I would live in a place like that n do things like I did for the pass 3 weeks there. This is like the moment that I would remember for the rest of my life because of the difficulties that I have n will go through for the next whole year.

I enjoy like there because at least what I'm doing there is useful, rather than being at home n do nothing for the last 5 months since SPM is over. I felt like all the difficulties that I've gone thru is making me nearer to my dreams, ambition, goals, success. It's like everything is gonna be worth it. Every sweat, every tears, every muscle pains, every second that I fight the urge to sleep during lectures, every acne that 'grows' on my back n every cloths that I wash with my own bare hands, everything will be worth it when I get what I want.

Moreover, I'll be participating in the KAKOM, which is an inter-matriculation sport competition in Malaysia which will be held in Johor in July. I'll be representing KML in badminton n believe me, the trainings are so heavy like shit. The first week of the training made me hard to move every single part of my body, but then, I hav to act like there's nothing happened. Padahal, I cant stop cursing everytime I take my steps to anywhere. But funnily enough, it's one of the reasons that I enjoy life there because I just love badminton n to see it at the positive side, at least I can lose a little bit of weight there, kan......

n I like the people there. Living with people of different races n religions really made me learn a lot. I learnt some Iban words n Sarawakian's BM from my roomate n I can really see a 1 Malaysia there.

The only hell there for me r the warmness of the weather n the dahsyat punya toilet. very very terrible. sometimes I need to think twice when I want to go to the toilet. So u can imagine how horrible it is now.

That place really test us physically, mentally, emotionally n spiritually. Physically as in angkat the pail of water from somewhere to somewhere because of the shortness of water thre, mentally as in being immune to dirty toilets, emotionally as in being away from the one u love the most at home n tahn ur tears n spiritually as in praying every night to ask God for strength to go thru all the obstacles that u will go tru ther next day because only He can help u.

Oh well, so much for my life for the next 11 months. Oh, n mom n dad r going to rusia next 2 weeks for bro's doctoral graduation. uiseh man, 6 yrs ooo.... on the other side of the world lagi tu. waa, so proud of my bro la. hehe

Kolej Matrikulasi Labuan

2010-05-07T21:29:00.002+08:00

Yup, fu**ing confirmed going there.

Well, I don't know what to expect there to tell the truth.

For sure I'm not going there for vacation,

nor am I going there to find me a mate.

Also not looking forward to get to know people there,

since I'm only there for not even a year.

Potong here n potong there,

I'm just gonna be there for approximately 9 months.

So whoever I meet there,

it wont last long.

N being a typical lady,

chitchating is like an obligation.

But realizing that is one of the reasons I didnt get more As for my SPM,

guess I'll stick to my decision of not socialising to much.

Having a public-toilet-disgusted-anxiety doesnt help me at all,

that's why I was very reluctant to go there.

Going there, for me,

it's like another chance for me to chase my dream of being part of a leader oil company.

8As is good,

but not excellent enough.

I'm grateful,

but not satisfied.

It was my ego that made me laid back,

but not for long for I had learnt my lesson.

However,

I'm checking airasia/MAS to come back home maybe 2 weeks later.

I'm also taking very deep breath now,

for I'll try not to cry when mom n dad kiss me goodbye on the 10th.

I officially have my own room when I was 15,

n u expect me to live outside at the age of 18?

Life........

no pain, no game

2010-05-02T00:24:00.002+08:00

I miss chris so much. I even dreamt about him n sometimes I smell his cloths because I just want to smell his scent. Two days ago, I talked to him in the phone n he was begging me to hug him. He even wanna start to cry because he misses all of us here at home, his nenek, ku-kung, yiyi, yi po, cookey, coco, tortoise (yup, I havent break the news to him yet) n everything la. Gosh, day after day, without him bugging me all the time, makes me think about how I used to kacau him, make him angry n cry. Man... macam mau ternangis o saya.

Every bitter sweet moment, n every bruises that he had caused me, everytime I pinch him just to make him angry, everytime I put the 'minyak kapak' near his eyes when he wont stop trespassing into my room n kacau-kacau, everytime he asked to put lipgloss on his lips n I really did, n everytime when he asked me to do something..... I just think about them again and again every day.

When I see his pictures that we took when he was just one month old until now, I really feel that I'm so empty. No matter how annoying they were, it's just doesnt matter now. I just want to hug him, smell his bau, tickle him, hear him chuckle, tease him, n make him cry(I cant help it, ada-ada sajalah cara saya tu).

2010-04-26T21:51:00.002+08:00

it's been almost a week now since sis n 2 lil ones went back to Miri. So I'm missing them each day n considering that I wont be able to see them until months to come, I'm afraid that they would forget me... They're very irritating sometimes especially Chris, but I got say, I miss him pinching me here n there till there r bruises everyday like I got battered by someone. N when somebody asked who did that to me, I said it was Chris n they can hardly believe kiddo as small as that can be so 'brutal'.

Mom often talks to him tru the phone n sis also often tells mom what they've done n said which is so cute n adorable. That day sis told mom that Chris really misses her n has been calling 'nenek' everytime before he sleep n wake up. So sis kinda explained why there's no nenek for the next few months n it kinda made me remembered about one of our form 4 maths chapters, mathematical reasonning.

eg,
1)all polygons have sides
2)triangle has 3 sides
conclusion: all triangles are polygon

So this is the conversation between sis n chris(with translation):
chris: cis yau nenek (chris want nenek)
sis: chris shang fei ji lai miri liao. Nenek zai jia. Zhe bian mei you nenek(Chris came to miri thro plane already. nenek is at home. here dont have nenek)
chris: cis yau hui jia liao(chris want to go home now)
sis: uhhhh... (tries very hard to draw his attention but fails)

Nenek saja meh, Chris, yi yi u forgot liao?? So soon???

2010-04-15T20:39:00.002+08:00

matilah ni tau.... I may be going to matrics rather than form 6 because obviously, matrics is more easier like duhhh.... n the period is shorter too. The reason I dont want to enter any college now because I still want to try another shot to get an overseas scholarship. I was also shocked that day when mom told me I can get an overseas scholarship too with the local matrics result if I got a very good result. Yup, I have to admit, the reason why I thought of going to form 6 on the first place is because I thought only from 6 can give u an opportunity to go overseas, but I was wrong. Thre is always a back door in anything if u really want something, u know, where ther's will, thre's way.

So, why I say mati? Sudahlah matrics always have this water shortage problem, I hav to be away from home lagi, n then do my own laundry, using the public toilet for the whole 9 months, plus many more temptation that I dont think I should mention them out... tau tau laa.....

n the most utama punya reason why I'm quite reluctant is because of my small pillow a.k.a 'illow bau'. I had it since I was a baby to accompany to sleep, n hug n smell the scent of it. It is like a heroin to me... I'm addicted to it. This kinda embarassing but I'm serious, I'm mentally dependant on it. This world need a rehab for cases like mine, because I dont think I'm the only one with this problem. Well, I dont consider this is a problem of course, It's just something undescripeable, dont u think?

neway, I have make my keputusan muktamad yet... Just went to carmelite just now to ask for 'direction', maybe I'll see a light on the path that I should go very soon.

2010-04-08T21:29:00.002+08:00

so, as ya'll know, I hav 2 not-so-new lil ones at home now. The big bro(chris) is the all-time restless brad while the lil bro(ben) is the stay-at-babysitter's punya. Because of that, it's undeniable that I'll write more about chris here then ben because I'm facing chris 24/7.... which is quite irritating sometimes but there were times that he makes my world go round(my life would be boring without some kacau-kacau kan).

umm.... let me start with Chris finally going to school. Oh actually he started going to school since last Monday still with mama's company while the auntie sleep at home(ahh, life's good).

yup, school... according to sis, they have to do exercise before going inside, n they sing, n sing, n sing again. then makan, makan, makan...

When it comes to school, must have the good kids n the naughty n bikin susah hati punya kids la kan... So I assume ya'll know which group chris belongs to already. N day after day, chris bullies one by one the orang putih girls, yang blonde n mata berwarna-warni punya lagi tu... first day, chris took the mat saleh A's banana, second day, chris hijacked mat saleh B's toys.... n of course u know who won la kan...

but today something happened. Chris didnt go to school because he's sick.... when afternoon came, he became worst, asthma to be exact sampai mau masuk emergancy in Damai Specialist Centre. So me n sis brought him there n very kesian la, they hav to 'pump'(or whatever it calls) chris because he was too serious already. They discharged chris at 3pm n hav to return there at 5pm lagi for the second pump. Man.... if u saw him crying that bad, ur gonna feel very kesian for him u know. He cried until he was very tired during the whole treatment(kalah lagi those pregnant women yang mau beranak).

Despit feeling very.... I dont know how to describe, seriously..... All of these makes me think wheather do I want to be a doctor or not. I don't know am I tough enough (Ini baru ampus ni, belum lagi satu ambulans penuh-penuh with people bleeding n patah here n there). I dont know can I face this. Even until today u ask me what I want, I would say I want to be a geologist or engineer is I got shell scholarship. If not, I dont know... But dad really encourage me to be a doctor. I dont know la. All I know now is that I just need to work harder n let God do all the arrangement because i'm so tired of worrying, honestly.

blablabla.... chris is still very tenat now. The doctor actually told sis to let him stay at ward but sis didnt want it because Chris would be restless even more at a place that he doesnt know. N as an asthma patient, he need to rest n just 'settle down'. But since he is such an active boy, he's like the dust on the water surface. Plus he keeps on crying without any reason which makes things worst. So may I ask ya'll here, of any religion to pray for him so that he'll get better very soon.

Alritey, sigin off now...

2010-03-29T22:54:00.002+08:00

I'm upset that my JPA application has failed but I know there's no reason for me to be feeling that way because I know I didnt do much for my SPM which makes me feel even shittier. I always believe that if u try and u didnt get it, it's still a satisfaction but if u didnt try n didnt get it, it's a failure n also humiliating. I know it's no use that I regret now but I just cant get over it. Plus dad's words r more n more 'sharp' these days, urghhh, fuck it, I dont want to be a teacher, I dont want to go to the stupid Maktab Perguruan or take education course in uni. How fucking hard is it to understand n put this in mind? n can everyone stop being sarcastic?

One more thing is that I am not a family person, so, children is an 'eventually' thing. I never like kids... so what for take a course that I dont like just because I can be with my children or reproduce more. I dont mind working long hours as long as I like the job. There r all kinds of human being in this world and non of us have the right to expect other ppl to be just like who we r.

uhh, maybe I was too upset about the JPA thing. However, it's not really the end of the world(duhhh). Actually, this post is about I do my own decision n that I will consider everything first before I make my final decision. All I need now is just advice, not criticism, ignorance, arrogance. That is why I hav a lot of plan B:

-Kursk medical school with YS scholarship
-fingers crossed for the shell scholarship
-UMS matriculation
-Labuan matriculation
-form 6

My first choice will always havs something to do with technical thing like being a geologist or engineer but if I dont get a scholarship that ensures me to get a job, then it's a no because it's hard to get a job in those areas. Desperate enough, I would go to medical n if extremely desperate, I would go to pharmacy. If I am so so extravagant desperate lagi, maybe a lawyer would do.

Somehow, I think that if I mess up now, I'll mess up my future. I'm so afraid that I would screw up my decision. So, what should I do? follow my passion but having the risk of insecure future or just follow the route of success but not sure if I would like it?

I just dont know the job demand for a geologist or whatever engineering. what do u think?

once upon a time, exactly 18 yrs ago, a baby is born...

2010-03-19T18:08:00.003+08:00

photos taken during my birthday party n also to celebrate the 8As which is held 2 days earlier... these r my mommy's side cuzzies(the numbers r getting smaller as more n more r at somewhere else in the world)

and it's me!!!!

despite feeling lucky n happy today, I'm also feeling very thankful to God n to mom who had gone thro the pain while giving birth to me. yup, I always think that birthday is not only about the birthday boy/gal but also their mommies n not forgetting daddies of course for contributing the other 23 chromosomes...

that's why I dont like watching the Sweet Sixteen on MTV because even after those spoilt brad parents had done so much in throwing a gazzilion worth of party, yet they said their life sucks if there's something happened n just simply throw a 'I hate u' to their parents face for that.

Anyway,my wish? I just wish that I can work with an oil company one day so that mom n dad wont be worried about me again financially or just anything, everything...

thinking...

2010-03-17T22:44:00.002+08:00

8As, it's good, but not good enough to get what I hav always wanted, that is, to work in an oil company by getting their scholarship with my SPM result. But apparently, it just wasn't good enough, because the minimum criteria to just apply the scholarship is 9A-. I'm not going to regret now because what past is past and I cannot change that, same as I cannot change my SPM result to 9As and I still glad and appreciate for what I got. What I need to do now is to get excellent score in Matrics in Labuan or in Uni that offers matrics. Yup, I ticked medical in my JPA scholarship application form last night and it can still be change until 5pm just now(before the closing). So, for the whole day today, I thought about it again, I dont know whether should I change it or not and as the clock is ticking, so can I hear my heart 'lupdup-ping' along with the clock. From the first day our SPM result came out until now, I still hav trouble deciding what course should I take. I am so confused. Since my result is not good enough to get the Shell or Petronas scholarship, I only hav two option left, pharmacy or medic. I want pharmacy because I dont hav to deal with bloody inner organs but the pay is just not as good and I want medic because of the good pay but I'm afraid that I'll be unable to take the pressure... I'm just so lost.

Frankly speaking, I never thought of working in the medicine field but I hav no choice... then I think again just now, where do I like to work? hospitals or oil rigs? then I remeber how much I enjoyed myself doing all the guy's job at home(angkat2 or anything that is rough) and at anywhere. And I love it when I imagine myself working in an oil rig in the middle of the ocean. It's not a glamorous thing to do, but I just like it. So I think I'm going to die trying one more time in matrics just to get the scholarship or dead being pressured by the doctor thang....

2010-03-13T00:00:00.001+08:00

is pharmacy a right choice for me? I'm afraid that I would make a mistake... I have to make my mind now, as in NOW!!!

2010-03-12T00:44:00.002+08:00

So I got my SPM result and dang... Fu*k!!!
not even Dio was satisfy with her result... damn it, 1 more A and I'll get a scholarship to oversea.
Why is it always like this!!!
Like I meantioned before, why do I hav to do something halfway or not being serious at it!!!
Like my PMR, just a little bit more to what I want and this time for SPM, it happened again. 1 more A and it's mine... And somehow even when I hav promised myself not to but I just cant help it. There were a lot of 'if' that came out in my head when I got my result, eg. If I were to work harder, maybe I get a better result... If I were to blabla.... argh!!!

sialan.....

However, this is not the end of the world. No it's not and never will be. so I hav decided to give 1 more shot tru STPM or matrics... this time, I swear I will put my heart n soul.

oh my gosh, I am so frustrated, so so man... a little bit more and that's it but no... u know ppl always say, u will not regret it after u hav done ur best but u will regret it when u didnt even try. Whoever that theory came from, u take the cake la...

Chinese New Year

2010-02-21T12:18:00.002+08:00

I ate, I gamble, I sembelit because of too much of nuts, I didnt go to church on ash wed, I didnt fast on last wed and fri, omg.....

balik kampung for CNY!!!

2010-02-11T12:03:00.002+08:00

okay first of all, I'm not the one that balik kampung, it's my sis and bro-in-law and both my nephews.... omgoshh I'm missing the two monkeys already despite they just went to the airport like few minutes ago... Yea, I stayed at home, only mom and dad went with them to the airport because I'm afraid that I would 'flood' the airport, seriously!!! and I tried really hard to tahan my tears just now when they're about to leave home. okok, lets proceed to the why-am-I-happy-that-they're-not-around factor before basah mata saya. no 1, of course I'm free!!! no 2, I can gamble till I drop with my cousins during the CNY. no 3, I wont have to freak out suddenly when I walk around at home and scream my lungs out for stepping on the toys that are everywhere in the house.

yea, have to buang sial berabis before starting a new year according to the chinese calendar. Well, I remember I threw my toothbrush away for the last orang putih punya new year, so for the cina punya, apart from failing to buang lemak, can buang apa lagi? any suggestion?

CNY is equivalent to less than 1 month SPM result will come out, shitt!!! seriously, I cried on the spot when I got my PMR result few years back because I've been fooling around and not doing anything for that, so that's why I didnt get what I hoped to get... so, I really fucked up with that and I'm afraid I will fucked up again this time coz I think I spent more time worrying than studying and I'm always cant concentrate on my studies because of those kokum thing in school and prefect thing. When I think back, I felt stupid for being a prefect u know... in our school, our prefect system is different, instead of only have to control the students like the prefects in other schools do, we have to fullfill our manifesto too because we were using the parliment system and stuff like that... u know, there's no point of doing all those stuff and on the other hand, ur studies sucked like bullshit. Yes, I tried the time management thingy but the thing is, you will get mentally exhausted. when you r supposed to take a short break during recess, u should be.... but if you're a prefect, you have to do ur job......... urghhh, I'm not complaining about the system or something, I'm just thinking how fucked up I am in my studies.

oh well, all I can do now is just cross my fingers and WAIT... and hope that I dont drop dead because of panic attack during this waiting-for-result-period.

2010-01-30T22:42:00.004+08:00

sorry for my disappearance for.... I dont know.... too long to remember....

Anyhow, thanks for your loyalty towards this blog. Actually, I immersed myself in the 'Born Rich' Hong Kong tv series that I bought weeks ago and when I finally find the time to watch it, I sort da berabis loo....

So, this 'Born Rich' is about a penipu besar from Sabah... kurang asam... and yadayada u watch it urself... I think Sabah is more beautiful then what they hav shot in the movie, seriously... Especially Nexus Resort, it's more beautiful and not only just about the pointy roof, salah salah, totally bad angle... Tip of Borneo pun baa, they can improve the view by just changing their angle abit. But I'm satisfied with the pulau view, actually what I've seen with my own eyes...

Conclusion, the storyline was great, happy ending except for few things I'm so geram with:

1)I prefer Sa Fu Loi, the 'lou qin' to be together with Yat Sum lehh.... they look cute together and very bagai pinang dibelah dua, dont u think? and things are so romantic between them especially before they realised that they are 'siblings'. Moreover I dont really like Joe Ma anywhere. Moreover, months ago I coincidenly met him in the Tg Aru kedai kopi here and he is one hell of a proud man. The tauke niau wanted to take picture with him and u know wat was his reply? He declined saying that he doesnt want other people ramai-ramai to ask him like crazy to take picture with him after that... How stupid was that? I remembered that day he wore his speck hitam and told other people to close the iron door just to cover him while he kept on reading the news and berabis tutup muka dia. Perasan betul, tat day I saw him from two tables away and I was like 'so what?' pun...

2)And why Angie dies, I'm so overwhelmed by her relationship with Marcus even tho Marcus is a married man. Their steamy scene together with the hot song was so perfect. Talk about the song, they're having an affair and the song lyric goes something like this, 'o come o come Emmanuel.....'. Dude, choose a song that suits the meaning la... but I like the song anyway, just the lyric yang salah or it should be used to dedicate to the other couple like Yat Ming(Sa Fu Loi) and Yat Sum. But maybe I misinteprete it, or maybe not!?

Let move to my next topic shall we... So, the actors and actresses are looking fine and hot and pretty... too perfect in fact. Believe me, when I saw Joe that day, he looked so old with uneven face or lubang-lubang and I even saw that his nose hair terkeluar because of too long lagi. But his look was perfect in this drama. So, I was wondering how thick was his face foundation to cover those lubang-lubang up!?

Oh yea, I dont really hate the villain in this drama coz maybe he's kononnya from Sabah, have to support ma even tho he's the penipu besar. And to say the truth, I still would like yat ming and yat sum together after all that they hav been through and what he had done to her. Salute you la Anita Yuen Wing Yi(yat sum) for the job well done.

You have to watch this movie for ur Sabahan pride!!!! yeahh!!!! terus proud oh saya, really...

2010-01-22T23:50:00.001+08:00

Kenapa tidak pandai kurus ni, berabis suda saya nii... Must look sexy during CNY :p

stress even after SPM?

2010-01-15T22:11:00.002+08:00

I think I got this pressure from dad because he kept on telling me to become a teacher and CRITICIZE other job. The way that he said all these really made me disturbed and annoyed. I really wanted to 'fight back' but I just can't coz he's my dad. However, I always believe that following your heart is the best thing to do. So for sure I'm going to take the course that I want. But I hate it how dad said object my decision. urghh...... I think most of the daughters are their dad's best friend and baby girl, but I cant, I just cant be cos he never hears me and encourage me. And he always look down on women. For him, we just have to live a modest life, jaga anak, be a sex machine and do not need to be a person with professional careers. Can u believe that?????

Last night

2010-01-14T16:23:00.002+08:00

I had a, I dont know, a...... quite bad dream? last night...

I dreamt that I was about to begin my form 5 first semester. And of all 11 subjects that I took in my SPM, I only worried about one, that is, Bible Knowledge. What happened was that I hesitated about should I continue my BK subject and sit for it on SPM. It was a very hard decision for me and even until I was too worried and woke(or should I say shocked) up by myself, I was still unable to make my decision. Seriously, when I woke up, I still havent realised that every has passed now, so I kept on thinking and hesitated still...

However, after a short 30 sec or more, the chemical finally passed through my synaptic knop and at last, I'm laughed at myself because I just 'got my memory back'...

U can see, how much this BK has effected me... Even until today, if I were given a chance again or maybe if we just turn back the time just a little bit, I'm not sure if I would make the same decision as I did.

2010-01-04T13:27:00.003+08:00

have ya'll ever dreamt of dirty toilets? Well, last night I dreamt of full-shitted toilet, orang putih punya kuning-kuning punya shit lagi tu... geli betul

Anyway, had a great new year's eve countdown in Nexus Resort, Karambunai and followed by my cousin's wedding few days after. That's why I've gained back everything that I have lost, dang!!! Maybe that's the reason why I dreamt of full-shitted toilets, Karambunai punya toilet lagi tu....

So, this year's resolution? lost weight definitely like last year's, only I failed to do so last year. So this year, skinny jeans..... Sandra!!! We pledged this together kan!!!

I know, my blog is lack of pictures, so blame the camera's USB because of it's sot-ness. I cant always transfer pics anytime I want, I have to wait until the USB has a 'good mood' then I'll be able to transfer the pics then. Stupid kan, have to succumb to a device. Bye for now lovely peeps

crippled butt

2009-12-28T14:44:00.002+08:00

I dont know is it the muscle or the tail bone that made me walk literally like penguins because of the pain that I got during the badminton training yesterday. And since my coach is a guy, I lied that I got leg cramp because who would tell the opposite sex coach that their one side butt hurts anyway... I think I sat too much for the whole week plus I did not play badminton for the whole week also because of Christmas(yup, I know, it's just an alasan).

and dude, I'm trying to lose weight here, but why on earth I dont see any difference on the reading of my weighing scale. Sialan...

2009-12-26T23:50:00.002+08:00

Pheww, thank goodness it's all over now.

We had open house today for christmas and I worked from morning till night(of course got relax for a while). Dude, I'm physically and mentally exhausted. Moreover, I gained a few pounds from the makan2 dr Nexus Resort that day until just now. Makannnnnnnn saja......... giler ehh, habislah harapan saya untuk pakai skinny jeans.

Anyhow, must workout intensively starting from tomorrow since I have nothing to do now.

Overall I think I gained more than 5 kilos this year because of the stupid SPM. SPM is so stupid that it made me hate history BM soooooo muchhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-12-24T13:14:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling great and so alive today.

Why?

In this world, nothing feels better than knowing the truth

hahahahahahahahhhhh

oh, and go to church ar ya'll tonite...

Merry Christmas everyone

It's hard but this is what life's about

2009-12-22T14:11:00.002+08:00

What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away

-by Rascal Flatts, 'what hurts the most'

2009-12-21T13:39:00.002+08:00

wow, I think like this is my first time I got fed up of staying the night in a hotel or resort. Gosh, I think maybe it's because I spent 7 nights in those china's hotel and right after I got home, I spent the night in Nexus Resort, Karambunai again for my dad's office christmas thing. Then, mom just told me that we're going to spent the night there again on new year's eve. Dude, I truly realised that there's no place like home. urghhh...

Anyway, do you believe that life will not always be what you always wanted?

I used to believed that life will always be what I wanted to be because it's all about how we make choices about everything in life. But somehow, I kinda changed my mine. It's literally like 1/3 depending on our own choices, 1/3 is destiny or fate and another 1/3 depends on God. Do you agree?

Tell me what you think will ya...

2009-12-19T16:12:00.003+08:00

I know I haven't been here for like decades.... sorry peeps :P but I'm here now and truly flexible enough to blog very often from now on since I have done with mua shit SPM.

As ya'll know, I've been to China for 8 days right after my SPM. Fuhh, I'm back Dio, nasib ur prediction didnt come true heheh...

Anyway, malas la mau cerita everything, so lets just blog something that has been tapis by me la...

So, obviously, it's freezing cold there since it's december. It went as low as 1 degree cel there in and highest at 7 degree cel throughout the whole trip except in Shenzhen of course.

It is so cold until:

-the trees look like there're crystals cling to every edge of the tree leaves because the water droplets freeze before they menitis down.

-we totally cant leave our hotel without wearing our 'donut' outfit(tebal betul).

-the unflush giant shit in the public toilet stood still

-I cannot feel my feet because I wore kain punya shoes and at the same time it rained there.

Overall, I enjoyed this trip because of the crazyly beautiful scenery and most of all, we went there beramai2 with my aunt, uncle, cousins and family friends. It's undescribeable how loud we were there.

But there's one thing that I'm disgusted about China, that is, they just simply buang kahak and hingus everywhere even on carpets or in airport or mana2 sahaja.... yuck... And they are a big fan of langgar people. Betul2 uncivilised. Nama saja they're one of the earliset civilisation, but macam belum civilised lagi.... adui.........

However, after I went there, I realised how big procastinator and a lazy stupido I am... there, there is no such thing as take ur sweet time walking step by step. The term 'walk' for them is take very big and fast steps, itu pun di kampung tu, belum lagi di bandar besar..... omgosh........ the worst part was when we crossed the roads. Astagah.... itu barulah run for your life oooo.........

Anyhow, it's worth going there especially Zhang Jia Jie. You got to go there one there.

2009-12-04T13:46:00.002+08:00

I shouldn't be bothered about that but.....

the truth is that I really am now.

I'm disturbed,

I'm confused,

I feel useless and hopeless!!!

what's even worst is that I hell-ed my SPM.

and now this again??!!!

are you kidding me??!!

It is never easy if you were to be in my shoe...

believe me.

conclusion about life:

- work hard to the core to be a leader and manipulate others

-there is only two groups of ppl in this world; the losers and the winners

-you slow, you'll lose

-you soft-hearted, you'll lose

-you shared too much, you'll lose

-you trusted your friends too much, you'll lose

-you relaxed, you'll lose

If you lose, the society will laugh for your failure.

So dont be one of those, but rather be the one that laugh others...

These philosophy are not all from me. But a combination from dad and Mr. Pushpanathan and myself. I truly believe in them and will always bare that in mind and hold on to them.

Life was never easy~

2009-12-03T20:54:00.002+08:00

cant believe I'm going to china in 5 more days but I havent even pack anything yet. Not even a 'tai fu'. Speaking of 'tai fu', I wish I could go out and buy those disposable ones. easy and save energy because I dont need to carry any extra pounds of 'tai fu' in my luggage...

3 subjects to go in 12 days

2009-11-26T11:05:00.004+08:00

The whole period of SPM is like a horror movie for me,

So this piece of horror movie in my life started with the most 'sialan' BM paper. Omgosh~~

As a normal human being, eveyone, doesnt matter what test or exam it is, expects the first day is gonna be just fine. But this BM spoilt my first day and almost the following day...

Anyhow, I have gone through 8 subjects out of 11 subjects that I take in SPM, and I always say I dont care anymore about those 'limpas sudah punya', but the truth is, I still dreamt of them just last night(It's neither a sweet dream nor a beautiful nightmare, trust me). Meaning, I am still so worried about them to the max.

Oh yea, I'm happily declared that I have also gone through the Bible Knowledge paper. Yup, I can say that I'm proud of myself because I'm the second one in my family after my dad that took this subject. Not even sis and bro dare to take this. So no matter what I'll get in SPM for this one, I am still proud of it because BK IS SO NOT EASYx100000. Well, at least for me, a not very smart girl.... hmm........

I have to admit that I'm not a smart girl neither a hardworking weirdo(yup, I'm anti-bookworm. no ba, I'm just jealous ba). So dont kasi malu me ah when I got my result. heheh

Note the 12 days to go at the title? uhum, and right after that, the next day I''ll begin my journey with my parents and relatives to Hunan, Changsha, ZhangJiaJie, Shenzhen and bla bla for 8 days and then baru The Sims 3 back at Tanjung Aru here. I cant wait to play that and I cant wait more to wear winter clothing. Yes!!!!! and dont worry Dio, my research had shown that mom and dad are 100% not going to jual me there because with all these lemak under my phospholipid bilayer, not much people would want to buy me. In another words, tidak laku la...

2009-11-11T21:22:00.004+08:00

Despite the stress that I'm facing now, I'm still grateful and will always be because I'm blessed with 2 lovely nephews. 2 in a year lagi tu, nda kau...

The busy nenek!!

And going to 'gai-gai' will always be their all time favourite

SPM is exactly a week away

2009-11-11T11:13:00.002+08:00

Dying softly day after day...

And guess what, my most fear subject goes to BIBLE KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!!!!

Oh God please help me...

Bible K is not really that hard but only one thing, u need to memorise exactly every word from the Gospel according to St. Luke and the Act of Apostles.

That is why u need to literally 'telan' the whole text(24 chapters for St. Like+28 chapters for Acts)...

As a conclusion, pray hard and telan all the Ginko pills!!

2009-11-09T17:43:00.002+08:00

Almost everyday ppl give us advice on everything for our own good. Sometimes, they're in the form of critics, and sometimes is quite a friendly and so on, even those funny ones...

So, today, Miss Tham who is also my ex-classmate's aunt back in KK High School, our English in Science and Technology Teacher, happened to gave us an advice that is quite unforgettable and 'eye-widenning' that is:

'Don't just because of the word I love you from a guy, you take off your panty'

'If you want to have sex, make sure that it is really safe'

omgosh~~

One of the things that you wont get if you're in a co-ed school is these kind of advices from ur teacher. Actually, we kinda terpesong a bit during class because this advice really has nothing to do with the EST subject, like so obviously. You know, I wonder what kind of advice that she will give to Foo K Yung, her nephew since she is a very open-minded type of person!!??

2009-11-04T14:38:00.001+08:00

14 days to go, matimatimatimati!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And tomorrow will be our graduation ceremony, yayy.........

20 days to SPM

2009-10-29T15:54:00.002+08:00

Well, felt like hell this morning when I realised that all I've done turned out to be just a total waste. 20 days before SPM and I got such a shitty result for my add maths. It's really bloodyful stupid and I almost cry when I got the result just now. I'm not satisfied with that and I felt like the whole world is against me until teacher Saripah a.k.a cikgu Sula Pepe told us about her ex-schoolmate long time ago whom has become crazy because he did not get what he want for his SPM. Then I started to realised that all of the anxiety that I'm facing wont bring me any good. So at last I'm cooling myself down and learn to take one step at a time.

'Rome was not built in one day'

peace out ya'll

And suddenly I felt like non of the things that I really want matters anymore. Face it, I'm not a genius. So what for I want to compete with those geniuses. Live life and love. That's what matters now.

When was the last time that u 100% pay attention during mass?

2009-10-18T20:07:00.003+08:00

Erm... I dont really know when actually. Maybe my time havent come yet... U'll know what I meant when u read below

This very morning when I went to church:
-sat selekeh-ley at the 'bench'(what's that call?)
-suddenly a man macam came and sat beside.
-my first impression was "is that man a 'tai ngi long'(ahli kongsi gelap)? brought along a bible lagi tu.."
-then the mass started with the openning hymm and I was like "wah this man can karaoke liao, so loud"
-the priest then bla bla and then came this thought again, "this man said Amen very loud pula"
-during the homily, "never thought that a man like this would come to church, if with family oklah but this one alone lagi tu"

.........

God please forgive me

Oh one more thing,

'We Were The Mulvaneys',

I watched this movie in Hallmark last Saturday and I cried... Seriously.

There's a lot of value like believe in God always, be patient, love your family no matter what, you will find ur other half one day, be sederhana and so much more that you will gain when u watch this,

so do watch this ok.

U beli the disc kah, download kah, u have to watch this especially if u're a family type of person.

Very touching la, I hold my tears like the whole time and eventually I cried at almost the end of the movie because of __u watch it urself___.

After I watched this movie, I realised that I have been a dull brat at home. I seldom smile, laugh,... I kinda regretted for being everything that I usually am at home.

But I know that it's never too late.

2009-10-16T13:07:00.002+08:00

Life is boring without challanges, isn't it?
so face it, SPM is boring without Additional Mathematics hahah

yeah rite~

Rain extravagant

2009-10-08T14:38:00.003+08:00

everytime when the clock rings on weekdays, how malas-ley I force myself to wake up. If it happens to rain at that time, I will always take an extra 5 mins to wake up. But when it is the type of train that literally 'splashing' down like wild horse with the crazy wind like they want to suck u, I need an extra 10 mins to wake up because I kinda hide under my bed as it is so bloody cold.

Anyway, yesterday a rain extravagant literally hit KK and maybe the whole Sabah, and everything was so disaster... First thing when I got out from mom's car, I got 70%wet. Then along the pathway to reach my class flooded like a pond. But since my shoes are wet already and I dont even bother to take the long way, so I just walk through the water taking my sweet time because I dont want to fall down. When I reached my class, my shoes were the one that flooded with rain water.

However, I hardly sigh because it's kinda fun anyway and moreover, this is nothing if u would compare it with the Philipines. The rain that hit us was just the tampias of theirs only. So be greatful people. It's always better to get water than fire except for Tsunami, duh~~

2009-10-02T20:31:00.002+08:00

Just when I 'think' I got a bit of time for myself to malas-malas on my bed day dreaming and bergolek-golek because our 1st trial exam just passed, our 2nd and also the last trial will be on next week, shiatt!!

Then, my result for the 1st trial exam was not really what I have expected especially for Chemistry and add maths... When I was doing the questions during the exam, I felt that they're quite easy but stupidly boohoo for me that I just got 50 plus for both of the subjects. Isshh, it really breaks ur heart when the subject that u really like turn out to be below 55%... It's really stupid!!! and I felt stupid too!!!

Spm is just 47 days to go and all I can say is that this is it, this is the final countdown!! I hope all the efforts that I've put is gonna be worth it. Moreover, I've gain 5 kg since the month of June and that is disgusting, I felt like my body had added 5kg of gelatin that keeps on 'bounching'...

Back to our legendary root

2009-09-30T19:37:00.005+08:00

Few days ago mom asked me when is my last paper for SPM and so I just told her that it is going to be around 8th or 9th december but the goverment havent finalise the time table yet because there r a few clashes of subjects. I was wondering why she asked me that until she told me that...

mom: Actually kan, me n dad r going to Yunnan on the 10th of December. Do you want to go?

doll: (noop face n speachless) huh...

mom: but I think you dont want punya la kan..

doll: why dont want oo...

mom: what for u go, besides, you're still not sure when is the actual date that u will finish ur SPM

doll: Even if there is gonna be some changes but takkan that sial meh, ngam2 terkena later than 10th December

mom: see first lah, coz if u go u need to packing lagi. U think that 2 days enough for u to do all the packing meh...

doll: Then why u asked whether do I want to go or not?

mom: (Try to escape from answering it) It's winter lagi, kampung lagi. U really want to go?

doll: ya ba...

Now, come to the main point of this post. This is according to dad anyway as he read it somewhere(not sure whether is it a legend or fact). Long long time ago, some chinese men, from Yunnan to be exact, came here with a ship and I forgot why already(didnt really pay attention when dad told us this). Then when the ship left, some of the men ketinggalan here. But before I proceed, I would like to explain about the word 'Dusun' first. These men were then called the 'Liu sun' which means ketinggalan bot. So as time passed by, the name 'Liu Sun' was believed to had changed and changed because of the pronounciation error of the people and finally to 'Dusun'. According to the article or whatever it was, these so called ancestors of all the Dusun people nowadays, they married the locals and then hundreds of years later, for the 7834234687th generation, here is Mr. Francis Dayah @ Gisol a.k.a Frank still passing on the traits. This Mr. Frank never fails to pass the story on to others and also to his 3 children and they live hapily ever after. The end.

So dad is really looking forward for this trip because he want to step on the soil that his ancestors once stepped on(just joking).

hey bro, this aint funny, get back here

Yunnan

ni hao

2009-09-29T14:54:00.002+08:00

Let me tell you how powerful the Lord is and how true our prayer is.

I was lost not only once, twice but for so many times but God never gave up on me.

For once in a blue moon I prayed to God(when I need help) and thought that God wont help me since I have been astray to I dont know where but God still heard my prayer and made it came true.

I am so overwhelmed by this.

So ppl, never hesitate to seek the lord for help even tho u knew that u've been 'lost in touch' with God.

But of course, never seek the Lord only when u have troubles but at everytime.

Thank the Lord when u're happy, praise the Lord everytime and pray to God to make you holy.

God bless, no matter what r ur religion, God will always be at our side.

So be a good servant of God and may all his will be done

2009-09-27T20:14:00.003+08:00

tomorrow is going-back-to-school day again.... yayyy~~

yup, that's right, I'm happy!!! Why? I dont know, I just feel like there's no reason to be bitter everyday in home thinking about would I go to matrics or not... It is totally better if I go to school and work hard and ask the teacher anything that I'm blur about and make the last 'umhh' for another 1 and a half months.

And I just read an article about scholarships, any scholarship maybe, that they will be rewarded to students based on merits regardless race.

NO!!!

What about us bumiputras??? Like duhh the chinese are always smarter than us and I'm so sure about that cause I've been to chinese school before... They are sure gonna 'sapu' everything larr... me? I'm so much bloody chicken than them!!

The reason I'm hunting for a scholarship because dad is going to retire very soon and I cannot expect him to pay everything. Moreover, if he is the one that's gonna pay everything, I will not be able to choose the course that I want. He's so gonna get me into Maktab Perguruan. damn it!!

okok, dont panic, I know for sure what I want and no one is gonna change it. tarik nafas~~, hembus~~

My addiction

2009-09-26T13:55:00.002+08:00

You can vanish ur addiction towards drugs and smoke but you r so cant towards The sims doesnt matter whether it is the sim 1, 2 or 3.

It's really nerve-wrecking hardcore u know...

even tho mom kept away the laptop so that I wont be able to play it, but my mind is still with it.

shit man, why on earth I didnt install the game in this laptop...

arghhh, I cant take it anymore.

I have 2 and a half months until freedom but till then, am I still alive?? The SPM would have probably killed me at that time.

And then kan, I think kan, my taste of music has changed..... I think it's because I read the bible knowledge text book too much... shhh, dont tell God~~

Instead of Paramore, Katy Perry, Jonas Bros, etc..., I'm kinda obsessed with instrumental music and soprano(ok I dont know how to spell this word).

No more 'I wanna f*** you', 'touch my body', 'stars are blind', and songs like that anymore...

(however, sorry God, but I kinda loving it too. so it's okay)

VMA 2009

2009-09-19T21:05:00.002+08:00

Just watch Video Music Award at MTV just now, and hell Kanye West mau tolong bangsa sendiri went up on stage and interupt while Taylor Swift was going to do the 'thank you to my mom and my dad' part when she got the award. I can see that she almost had tears on her eyes. Poor Taylor...

And I love Katy Perry and am always will... But she did something that made me kinda, 'huh' for a moment. I dont know why, but she hold her ____*censored* at the end of her performance. It would be ok if she wore those longgar punya hiphop pants but the fact was that she wasn't. With her coloured sempit pants, that really caught everyone's attention and maybe got a monolog dalaman of 'what is that for?'... However, I still love her because she's just perfect and really knows how to get everyone's attention and one of them was by doing what I've just mentioned.

Now to the brits, I like Russel Brand's slank and I like Taylor more than Robert Pattison. Robert really looked like a vampire, u know, Johnny Depp dont look like a pirate on the red carpet but Robert still look like a vampire on the red carpet.

Anywhere, I enjoyed it and I'm gonna watch it again tomorrow at 2pm. Oh yea, mom, dad and bro r going to Kundasang tomorrow without me because they want me to study at home. So, kapunan saya ni kali...

2009-09-18T11:23:00.003+08:00

I need to take a break!!!

I had both good and bad dreams since months ago and they seem like repeating again and again. I dreamt that I failed certain subjects but different night, different subjects, and most of the time I dreamt that I am at matriculation in Labuan. I know, it's truly bloody freaky. Good dreams? kissing my dear lovely Chris and what else, Christmas? umm, something like that I guess...

Lets make it clear, I dont want to go to Matrics, I dont want to be a teacher, I dont want to be just the Doreen that has no life aim and just jaga anak at home. Somehow, dad is giving me a headache, he keeps on giving me advices or shall I say 20% advice, 80% force to be a teacher. Omgosh, that is so a big NO for me. He said that if I be a teacher, I will only work for half day and go back home jaga anak. He also said that as a lady, I should not have a big career but just jaga anak at home.

WTF/H, HELL NO!!! This is my future and I'm doing what's best for myself and reach for my life aim. Well, I'm not saying that I dont want to have children but just that I wont want to have until I have a career that I desired. Everyone will get married and have children eventually. And the reason I dont want to go to Marics is because if I do so, dad will surely make me to take course for education field after I finish my Matrics and as a conclusion, all my ambition will be burnt down.

Being a teacher is not bad too but a good teacher inspires and would even change the world. Sadly, if you want me to repeat for the second time after I blabbing for the whole day, then you're dead meat. For 12 yrs I went to schools, I've seen the worst teacher ever and also the best of the best. An example of the worst one thru my experience is the one that always say wanna 'sula' people punya bawah sana(if you know what I meant) and always way behind the syllabus. Buruk betul!!! How to produce the future leader with that kind of teacher?

I swear I will never let this happen to me. Life is what we choose to be but not just procrastinate and wait for things to happen. All my aunts always say that I have a good life because of my fate but they dont know what's the other side of me. Nobody knows actually as I never say it out to anyone since I'm not a fan of sharing my secrets to anyone. I dont like to speak out my opinion to anyone as well. Whenever they gave me advices, I just 'um' but I know what's best for me. I do things that I want. Everyone has their own opinion of something, so why bother make them change their mind and be the superhero for that?

Thank you for reading this shit of mine *bow down*

at last, I'm here typing crap again after ages and ages of disappearance

2009-09-09T15:56:00.003+08:00

this is truly what ppl call 'o c dou um tet hang'(shit also no time)...

First trial is kinda shitty especially Bio... and still have few papers left until next tuesday. SPM is so bloody near, darn!!!

there were few nights that I dreamt about going to Matrics in Labuan and believe me, I take that as a nightmare!!!

And I just realised that if you didnt sign in for ur Facebook for quite a no. of days, the website will 'unable' ur account. This is stupid lar... Just when I got the time to at least relax and online for a while, my account was blocked?!!?

Oh and seriously, dad has his own facebook account too. Punya rock dia hahah(Sand, datuk ko ada facebook)... But I dont know whether should I add him as friend or not because u know lar, nanti kena 'behave' nie... I knew it when he was talking about someone sent him a request and something something btw. It's kinda awkward tho.

This Saturday is 'report card day', bluek, bida btul... bikin malu saja...

Please, I'm missing Christmas already, I want SPM to end now and Christmas is going to be the next agenda... hahah, and while I'm stuffing myself with fruit cake and yada yada, some of my classmates will be packing their bags get ready to go for National Service heheh... and according to them they wont 'sempat' for the new year countdown as they'll be at the camp at that time. So, poor Debbie, ND, Christcyee and the others. KASIAN...

anyway, life is always good and everyone of us hav our own life motto. For me, my motto is 'I'm sure I can if I try'. Actually I got this from louis Pasteur. This was his life motto when he was still alive back then. So, never give everyone, we sure can achieve whatever we want if we dare to try.

Bye peep, and I guess I'll be so seldom or even wont be back until the 8th of December end of this yr. That day at 4pm will be the end of the all these whole SPM chaos. so wish me luck.

I just realized that I never changed since I was small

2009-08-22T19:48:00.005+08:00

It's coming back to me again, the deadly uncontrolable small red pimplessss. I just cant think of any reason why this happens to me... I drank a whole lot of water, I ate vege, I wash my face with proper skin care, etc...

It's really pathetic u know. I dont feel like going out of the house, I dont want to meet ppl and I've lose my self-esteem... what's with all these??? And I hope that it's not because of the 2months before SPM anxiety that I'm facing now because if it's true, then for sure in the future I think my face will become tahi!!?? yishhh, I hate this part right here(Pussycat Dolls anyone?) I say this because I got the feeling that if I compare my situation now with what I'll be facing in the future, SPM is so bloody kacang la babe... Somehow, mom told me that dad has a high expectation from me and I tell you, that aint help a bit. All these made me 'fan' even more. Moreover, if I palis-palis didnt get what both me and dad expected, this is so not only would hurt myself and also my dad. Of course it's not that I dont like dad at least has a hope on me, it made me 'kembang' a bit, but, I just dont want anyone to get hurt if I failed my mission.

There were times I suddenly break into tears while I was doing revision and I keep on lepas geram on myself if I still dont get it after the millionth time of trying especially add maths(u dont need to know how I 'abuse' myself). Sometimes, I even thought that I got some sort of depression syndrom but when mom told me that last time when I was small, I used to lepas geram on myself too by bitting my own fingers if I failed to do something after I tried for a few times, I kinda relaxed a bit as I knew that I'm not facing something palis-palis. Exactly, I havent changed a bit even until now. Once it's in my blood, then it will always be... what a bad habit to hav, I think I need a psychologist(*touchwood, hit any wood that's nearest to me thrice*)

There are a lot more that I'm so confused and hopeless about like what course I'm taking when I enter uni, what will I be doing for pre-U, will I ever get a scholarship or whatever shiat it is. I wish I can be a kindi again and be as naif as possible. I really missed those time when I just simply say I want to be a pilot and fly an aeroplane or be an engineer and build houses and be famous and rich... In reality, things just different. *turned to emo mode*

I'm not a genius and nobody is, I'm not a hardworking person but I'm struggling to be one but I just havent reach there yet, I'm as lazy as worst than pigs, I'm still as playful as a 10 yrs old kiddo, I'm gaining weight, I'm becoming more and more ayam in badminton, I'm eating a lot of carbs lately, I'm being emo much, and I'm trying to beat her but I failed too in the recent test...

Things got even worst when Mdm Girlie Tan moved to our school and be our principal. Last friday we had a 'memory' with her that we wont forget for the rest of our life when we had a suppose-to-be-short perhimpunan but ended up suffering for legs cramp when other teachers talked for 15 minutes and she talked and talked and still talking for the whole 2 hours(15mins +120mins=135mins=2 and a half bloody nightmare cannot rasa our legs hours). Adui........ mentang-mentang that's her first perhimpunan with us ever since she came to our school, she took her sweet time 'cencang' us without any mercy... Thank Godness we still hav another three months in that school. So good luck juniors....*sinis-ley evil-ish laugh*

highlight of the day

2009-08-20T21:51:00.002+08:00

So today at school we had our teeth checked by those dentist working under goverment and without any doubt and for sure, me and all my classmates are 'puji' by the dentist because of our beautiful shinning teeth heheh...

Well actually that's not really what I want to stress here. What I really want to 'luahkan' is that, do u know the small mirror thing with a metal stick on it that they use it to look ur celah-celah gigi? yup, and guess what!!!

they didnt wash it everytime they hav used it on every student and they use it again to check the following student's teeth!!!

So we're kinda speechless and try not to think about it in order to prevent us from being 'geli'

And another great thing that happened today was that we played rugby during our Pendidikan Jasmani period against the 4S students. We were really exhausted after the game and guess what? we score 2-0 (we won). Frankly speaking, me and my classmate kinda really berabis during the whole game because it would be so embarassing if we lose to those who are 1 yr younger than us.

During the first round when we just started, I felt a bit dizzy after I terhantuk my head with the others head but it's really fun tho. Thing got wilder and it's like good girls gone bad, all the 'ayu-ness konon' kinda disappeared from as we keep on fighting till the end with all the adrenalin that has been secreted. We all 'himpit-himpit' each other and all sorts of actions like dudes.

This is what definitely will happen if you study in an all-girls school. U wont feel any malu-malu but just use up all the adrenalin and shout like we're not in the school compound.

But somehow, some people think that girls should not be able to do things like guys even tho when they hav worked so hard to reach for it. A very obvious evidence can be found in the yahoo page featured news. A world champion south african runner woman will face gender testing. People just dont understand how much pain, blood, tears and time that she had sacrifice to get the achievement. Maybe the authorities cant find any drugs in her body and thus making her to take the gender test. WTH, if that's what she deserve, then she deserve it. I'm not saying that the culprit must be a male but also can be a female because they r jealous of her.

stupid parents

2009-08-10T14:34:00.003+08:00

I just dont hav any idea why the hell parents would ever forgot their children in their car and ended up locked and leave them in there and then go makan2 or do whatever hell they wanna...

STUPID

WHY IN THE HELL???

Just now after school me, an uncle of mine and a friend of my mom went to to hav our lunch at King Hu Restaurant at Tanjung Aru here. After we had finished our lunch, we walked out of the restaurant and as we're walking, some people walking and working nearby there especially a car workshop workers ran to a nearby car and one the man there shouting like crazy. Then me and mom also quickly went there and checked out and it turned out that there was a maybe 1 yr old kid was left inside a car and was locked from the inside. The man who was shouting just now is the kid's father. The worshop workers immediately pull the car door so hard that one of the door part fell down and the door was opened. The father quickly reached the child in there and cuddle him/her. The kid was sweating like shit and red and cried so loud. Actually when they were trying to open the door, the kid was half pass out and so when they saw it, they almost break the window but they didnt and I dont know why. SIKIT LAGI MAU... everyone there was like scolding and insulting them HARDCORE. The mother just looked her child together with other 2 child. Pathetic much~~

BUDU!!

2009-08-06T10:16:00.002+08:00

just now when I'm stil 'malas-malasing' at the dining room eating some crappy bikin gemuk food, mom said...

mom: doll, shang qi du shu la(go upstairs and study lar)
me: makan sian(eat first)
mom: huh, kalau ni fail ni de SPM, sa kasi kahwin ni(huh, if u fail ur SPM, I'll set a marriage for u)

omgosh, that's a great strategy to make me study...

WHO'S THE CULPRIT??

2009-08-04T14:01:00.002+08:00

The haze is killing me softly. Sudahlah sore throat, tambah lagi the haze, macam mau keluar hampus o...

Dari mana lagi ni kali? budu betul, it's like an annual thing u know... last yr happened, and this year it's happening again. The yrs before pun ada. Shit la u ppl, just because u want to make ur land very fertile, u just simply start off the fire to burn d land and never think about other ppl health. STUPID FOOLS

2009-08-03T13:38:00.002+08:00

Just cant believe what I've seen in the newspaper today...

Tony blair in KK?

wow, haha...

never thought that ppl as VIP as him would ever step our land

anyway, you truly most welcome here Mr B.

Last Saturday, went to Tg Aru Beach to 'play sand' there with our daer nephews. When bro, sis, me and Chris are having fun there at the shallow part of the sea, I suddenly thought of those days when 3 of us siblings were still very small play together there... U know, time passes so fast without us realizing it. First thing we were poking the jellyfishes there and the next thing, we were trying to let Chris to feel a new experience of being soaked with sea water.

People say we should always look forward, but there's no harm of looking back for once in a while especially the time you had with ur family.

swine flu is hitting tanjung aru badly

2009-08-01T10:11:00.003+08:00

believe me, it's not easy to wear mask the whole day in school but for the sake of our life, we just got to wear them

for the next whole week, La Salle, SRK Stella Maris, SM Stella Maris will be closed because there were few students from each of our schools got the H1N1... La Salle was the first one to got it followed by SRK Stella Maris then us. few days before our school, SMSM was closed, I kinda freaked out a bit when I heard that our kiri and kanan neighbour got the virus and since our school is in between both the LS and SRK SM, it's not impossible for us to got it too.

Well, our prediction were kinda right... we predicted that maybe there are some of our schoolmate got it already after we got the news that LS got it first, but we just don know who. Apparently, yup, it really does. one girl from form 1 got and another one is suspected. As for me, I got a mild fever and sore throat. I cant sleep that night as I was so afraid that I'm one of them.

My fever havent gone yet, and dad says that if it still goes on after few days, then I should go for a H1N1 test. Obviously, I've been praying to God that I didnt get it and that this fever of mine is just an ordinary one.

Bro even made a joke that when he starts his practical in hospital in few days time, there's a chance that we would meet there everyday in the ward. STUPID!!! *touchwood* pui~~

oko, lets not think about it. oh yea, I just bought the Bruno disk. It's about an austrian gay and you guys watch it by ur own lar if u havent watch it. I guess it would be a very funny video.

Bye for now guys................... do pray so that the H1N1 will stop spreading yea and for those who hav kids, no more 'gai gai' k...

28 girls instead of 27?

2009-07-18T18:08:00.005+08:00

just came back from the sunday school camp and as usual, me and my mates just slept for 2 hours... yup, once in a blue moon hehe but still, belum lagi mau tidur sekarang. I'm going to 1B with mum, sis, bro, and some of my cuzzy.

okok, about the title kan, last night before all the girls camper including me enter our dormitory maybe at 11pm, 2 facilitators for our camp count the number of campers to make sure that no body got lost. So the figure for girls campers that they counted were 28person. Then the next morning during our morning exercise, they counted again but this time was 27 of us. We kinda 'debated' and I counted again just to make sure and eventually, there were only 27 of us that morning. We got totally freaked out and speechless for a while. Then the guys even joked about the 'extra one' is not the guy that commited suicide a week ago that I mentioned about in my previous post. yalar, thank for the 'help' guys... budu

thank God it was only a one night camp. If otherwise, 'I want my mummy'............................

2009-07-16T15:42:00.003+08:00

there she goes again, claiming that she's the one that made me to be able to get 3rd place at class. Shit man.... pui.......................

O yea, today teacher Tham shared with us the knowledge about bra. And since we're too excited about it while hearing it from the teacher, we even talked about g-strings and tampoons..... Those topics was so funny but I felt like wanna throw out when we talked about the tampoons just now....

haizz, susah juga if we got a 'rock' teacher that teach us and studying in an all girls school. Everyone is so open-minded and trust me, we got a bit 'lose control' of ourself when we started talking about them just now. Adakah an EST teacher need to share with us these type of facts hahah..........

Anyway, bro's back with chocolates and perfumes as usual. Baby Chris is learning to say 'ah gu' which means uncle in Hokkien since he already knew how to say 'mama', 'nenek', 'kungkung', 'kakak' and last but not least, 'yiyi'(auntie in Hokkien which is referring to me) already.

Ben pula, always buli his brother, Chris. The brother pula, just let the 'didi' tarik his hair without balas dendam back his brother.

N just now we have the national chemistry competition. It was really fun tho even thos it's a bit hard but the standard is just a bit higher than the questions for our mighty minds competition. I think time is the one that really 'killed' me just now. we're really short of time... no more mercy for us after the time was up just now. The teacher terus took our answer sheet ni...

so, I think that's all from me today, I'm off to play badminton, bye peeps. And I really cant wait for the JWG Bible Class camp starting from tomorrow at church until the day after that. bye again

2009-07-11T16:29:00.004+08:00

somehow I'm still bloody frustrated by the death of the king of pop, Micheal Jackson. Many people mourn and sad because of this but one thing that those mourning people didnt realise is that they are the one that cause his death. They are the one that force 'Sir' Jacko to do his big comeback in London for 50 concerts at the age of 50. And because of exhausion and the pain in his body because of his age, he took drugs just to be able to give satisfaction to those people who 'loved' him. Not longer afterwards, he got a heart attack suspected caused by the drugs that he took and died. And now, after he died, people just simply say they have lost a king or whatever and even mourned so badly. ceh, yea rite..................... Rest in peace JACKO!!

And last last night, I attended Hugo's sister wedding dinner at Putera, representing mom because she had another wedding dinner to attend. She married to an Aussie and it was really a wedding like in the fairy tale u know. The bride and bridegroom even danced the ballroom dance like in the princess diary. It was so beautiful and romantic and packed with so many culture (aussie+chinese+kadazan). The bridegroom's father even escorted them by blowing the bagpipe that he brought along from Australia. Actually they were married in Adelaide two weeks ago and they did a 'makan-makan' here.

About my life? My concentration on SPM is progression quite well but so far, I think my standard now is still not even close to my goal. I'm really afraid that I would fail this mission of mine and even worst, dont get to furter my study in the course that I desired the most. I got so many other worries too and maybe these are the reason that make me so moody this lately. I promised myself to not to socialize so much at school but sometimes I just got carried away and back to be my old self again. Man, I got to stay focus, 4 more months to go!!!!! seriously, many ppl wanted those 4 months to pass just like that and enjoy terus but I dont. I didnt even open the soalan ramalan that I bought from eaton because I dont think I'm even worthy to touch it.

However, just now during the mass at stella maris church, I heard a police siren and I was thinking where on earth will it go, the sound stop exactly in front of father's house and I started to make wild guess about maybe it's just a prank or something but I was wrong. The real story is that, I dont know when it happened but it is confirmed that it happened this morning, a parishioner from our church whom was quite active in church committed suicide in the church compound by choking himself with the carbon monokside that came out directly from his car exaust into his car through the hose that he himself had made leaving just a note about asking for forgiveness from his working place and so on. I dont know what else can I say about this incident and according to father Tony, he was seen going in and out of the church since few days ago and the last time he saw him at church was last night. He is believed to had borrowed money from the long shark and because of his inability of paying the money back including the interest, he took his own life just now at church during the mass.

This reminds me of only God can judge us. So, do not criticise him if he 'earn' himself a space in the newspaper tomorrow.

God bless you dear brother in the name of God, amen

Am I dreaming or what?

2009-07-01T18:19:00.002+08:00

RM0.50: Harap maaf! Anda tidak terpilih untuk menyertai Program Latihan Khidmat Negara bagi sessi 6/2009.

I dont know whether it's or what but I think the word 'sessi' macam got problem kan? My first impression was like, SEKSI meh...

Anyway, I dont know am I happy or sad cause actually, I want to participate in that PLKN thing but on the other hand, I'm afraid of all the past incidents will happen to me.

However, it said 'sessi' 6/2009, so what does that mean? Is there a 'sessi' 7/2009 or maybe 'sessi' 8/2009? If got, I think the probability for me to be choosen to participate in that program is more likely to be 1/3, I guess...

I need to spread this to my friends...

2009-07-01T16:06:00.002+08:00

I just cannot accept the fact that we got the same tutor that teach us but her marks is far higher than mine... This had made me so down since yesterday. I felt so rubbish and I'm really disapointed at myself. I cannot deny that I've been asleep for all year long last year as I've been always fooling around during class. I've missed out a lot of stuff and to catch up everything is just so hard. I must be ahead of her, I must!!! Even if this could take a lot effort or even some sacrifice of my so called leisure time, I'm bloody going to do this and I rise to take up this challenge.

For some reason, what Miss Tham told us yesterday had made me pause for a while and started thinking, 'am I still acting like a child?' Later that night, I have realised that I've been doing childish stuff and my mind still like a kid by not being serious in everything that I do. I procrastinate a lot and that got to go HARDCORE!!!!!

From now onwards, instead of listening to music and watching some damn movies, I'll be watching only those knowledge giving channels like Nat Geo, History Channel or whatever it is as long as I can learn as much as I could. Life is short and I'm 17 now, the biggest and most important year in one's life as most of the 17-ers will be sitting for their SPM in that particular year. It's now or never, all my ambition is counting on this certificate.

Eveytime I always look back and see who's behind me but now, I'm going to be a silent killer to those who's in front of me.

Sorry peeps that are sitting in the same row with me, I'll be a different person tomorrow when I go back to school.

2009-06-27T15:55:00.002+08:00

Just came back from toastmaster that taught us the way to do a public speaking. It was really great and fankly speaking I cant wait to do my english oral test at school because of the session just now. Ya'll should try to attend it maybe next time they're doing one as they often do it for the public to be able to improve their public speaking skills. It will be continued tomorrow and Mr Richard, the toastmaster had gave us an assignment in which we have to make a speech regarding some particular stuff and said it out in tomorrow session. Well, I'll prepare it tonight cos now I want to relax my mind for a while as I been in the talk since 10am till 3pm.

Anyway, boohoo to swine flu for starting to be spread here in Sabah... Btw, the teacher that caught that H1N1 because previously she travelled to Turkey with Rv Fr Fundes and some other holy people in KK that my mom knows but unfortunate for her, she got it. So lets hope that she's the only that caught it.

2009-06-26T18:05:00.002+08:00

apparently this my second post of the day and the reason is because I met a Hong Kong movie star 'Ma Tak Ching' (if I'm not mistaken that's his name in Cantonese) at a coffee shop in Tanjung Aru. Omygosh, he's so tall and tough. I never thought of in my life I would ever meet a super star face to face. It's a bit awkward that he will go to minum2 with his Malaysian friends in an old coffee shop u know... And then kan, he's kinda trying to cover himself up the whole time by wearing a sunglasses and a hat. He even oftenly cover him face with the newspaper. Maybe he did all that because he thought that Sabah got physco paparazi gua... huahh, so handsome lah him. what a great day to be able to bump into him hehe. Oh btw, he's just sitting behind me, 1 metre away saja :p

2009-06-26T15:13:00.003+08:00

To be frank, it's more nerve wrecking to sit there and listen to the invited teachers as the speaker for the way to answer the questions in SPM in every subject(bengkel jawab soalan SPM) than be in the usual schedule because at least we wont be dead listening to just one single person talking the whole day. Our first bengkel was last Monday when Ms/teacher Chong Siau Han from La Salle came to our school and gave us the bengkel on Physics. My first impression about her was that she's 'not a smiling person'. And that's so true until there's one point at last she started to smile at us, it's quite a relieve for us acyually because at least we know that she had became 'tamed' at that moment. The bengkel went on until today and will be continued next week arhhh... pathetic!!! My tengkuk so hurt everytime there's talk going on. The worst talk for this week is the BM talk that went on for 4 long hours and we're just allowed to sit, and sit, and sit, and only sit.

Anyway, surat perkeliling had came out and tomorrow is school day, but I dont care because I'm not going anyway. i'm going for the toastmaster at church. I just wish that I wont bump into any of the teachers :p

So yea, as usual, Friday's a leisure day for me. That's why am now here and writing some crap.

And suddenly, I have changed my mind. If I cant get a scholarship or I want to study in a local university, I may enter La Salle for form 6. Altho sometimes I'm thinking of going back to KK High for form 6, I just have to think twice again because waking up 5 am in the morning on weekdays truly a torture for me. Besides, La Salle also not bad watttttt................... kan peeps.....

But whatever it is, I'm still aiming for the PETRONAS scholarship. I just want to make use of my 'tough' body because not everyone can stand all the challenge because of their tiny body. Bagus juga bah kan besar haha ;)

Love ya'll readers muahxx

o yea, I rise to say may God bless you Micheal jackson, we still love you no matter what.
I remember few days ago I was wondering why isnt he producing more songs since he had gone for a while now but who knows, Good Bye Micheal, I will always put in mind all ur songs because I love them so much.

2009-06-24T22:41:00.003+08:00

stupid betul those ppl in the Rusia embassy, they keep on lambat2 do my bro temporary pass... well, apparently bro only get to come back here next month and he has to do his practical there. mom really worry mann...

Anyway, just now in the morning, someone told me that I got 3rd place this time in class because of I'm sitting right beside her during the exam. Cehh..... pui la, those 2 to 3 answers that I asked from her during the exam all wrong one, especially in physics... ishh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! terpaksa ni I forced myself to smile just now, so damn irritating o when she said that to me.

oh yea, the 'Beautiful' by Akon kan, reminds me a lot of the situations o... so sad everytime I hear that song. But I still like it anyway.

SPM? so near lo...

plan after SPM? hangout at upperstar with my buddies gua...

trip after SPM? ceh, dont ever mention that again, stupid H1N1...

school life? enjoying every second of it. But I still cant understand why they keep on gosiping about others...

good news? Yeshh, our school very own pricipal, Madame Clare is moving to SMK Bahang next month and current St. Francis Convent's pricipal will replace 'thy nenek'. I've never been this grateful ever since I moved to SM Stella Maris. hahah.............. u know what? sometimes I wish that si Clare will be going to St francis because, I dont know, I just want them to suffer hahahahahahahhh.........

Ever since I've become a Stellarian, I began to understand why these two schools are trying to 'vanish' each other. It's like there's something that make us cannot communicate with each other and calling each other bitch. I've experienced 'kena tikam belakang' before by them and that makes me so annoyed. Girls are girls, cat fight do happen and what's funny is that there's no need a reason that we do that. We just enjoy seeing each other defeated. But there's 1 thing missed out, why SMP Likas never join us in our battlefield?

2009-06-21T10:44:00.002+08:00

Bro is fine now, everything is done and he will be on his way home on the 24th thi month... Fortunate for him, some of his friend also experieced the passport missing case too, so they told him all the procedures that they went through last time when it happened to them. And thank God too bro has such a wonderful friend that sanggup to accompanied him to Moscow a that day to the embassy.

Now back to the Jazz Festival. It was okay but it wasn't as good as I expected it would be. Nasib some of the performers cute o, if not, I've dozed off for sure. I thought that it would be like those in the hotel lounge, but it turned out to be, u know, not as good as that?? Anyway, we went there for free, so, I didnt felt any kecewa jugalah...

And yesterday me, Christine and Daphne went to 1 Borneo to participate the Mighty Minds competition in which it is related to Sains, Maths and general knowledge. The first round was quite easy and out of 51 groups from different other schools, we made it through the finals since the first 30 groups will be qualified. Then in the final round, out of the thirty groups, our group got top five place. But since we didnt get the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place (which means we got either 4th or 5th place), we only got the consolation prize which is just a certificate. The first place got RM3000, 2nd RM2000 while the 3rd place got RM1000. So we were so close to the RM1000. dangggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sikit2 o. St Cecelia from Sandakan yang dapat 1st place. haizzz................ Tansau 3rd place lagi tuuu........................ Tan Sau bahhh!!!!

for the first time ever

2009-06-19T13:38:00.003+08:00

I'm going to the Jazz Festival tonight hehehehehehhhh................ This is so crazy, I never thought I have the chance to go and since I'm a jazz maniac, I'm so freaking happy and really cant wait for tonight. Me, dad and mom r going and the reason we got the ticket easily because as you can see, Sabah Development Bank is their main sponsor, so three of us got 3 free tickets from the group. Two nights of great music!!! me likey. Anywhere, mom n dad wont be going tomorrow, so there're two more tickets extra tickets with me. Anyone??

2009-06-17T14:10:00.002+08:00

ok, my bro sms-ed mom last night that he lost his passport... terrific, so now he has to go to Moscow alone from Kursk which will take him 10 hours to arrive there to go to the embassy. Apparently, he cannot come on the 18th in which that's the date that he's suppose to depart from there because he does not have a passport. When will he come back? after he has done his business with the embassy, police and stuff like that...

Anyway, yup, even though I didnt did really well in my add maths paper, but I still manage to get the highest mark in the whole form five in Chemistry. Oh well, not bad la this time... Now I truly had opened my eyes and had awaken from my sleep when I saw my marks in every subjects.

Nothing can be achieved when I just hope for it but never put an effort on it.

I do all these because I dont want my all time fears to come true, that is, didnt get a scholarship and study in a course that I dont really desire...

But no matters what happen, good or bad, I really thanked God for all His precious blessings. All praise to you O Lord, Amen.

2009-06-16T22:00:00.003+08:00

Words that I want to say to someone at class but I'm afraid she will have a bad impression on me when she heard it, so I didnt say it out:

-calm down, I'm not insulting you or being sarcastic, and I'm sorry if u thought so ok... why r u so mad anyway?? just remember that there's no such thing as failure but only lessons. Do keep that in mind and dont think that people around you is very pleased to see you got that kind of 'stuff'. I'm maybe a type of person that like to compare with others but I do not like to see them mad and down especially my friends. Just chill mate~

anywhere, there's been an official report about a first case of H1N1 in Sabah. So, that means, I still got about 30% left of probability that my mum still want to go to UK. Man, this sucks la... impian ku ini mungkin tidak akan menjadi...

Nobody knows that when will this swine flu be vanished from this world and what worst was that scientist said that this disease will be more 'active' during winter time

that fact is equivalent to

our plan to go there may be canceled.

and I got this auntie kan, she keeps on asking my mum to go to Hong Kong with them at the end of the month of November this year in which I havent finish all my SPM paper. When my mum declined it saying that she need to provide TLC and ensures that I have great meals everyday until my SPM ends, my auntie said that I'm not a child that need to be spoonfed anymore and jaga 24 hours. I was like so irritated but all I can do is just sitting there and doing nothing despite looking at my mum hearing what she has to said. I just dont get it, what's her problem. Is it because she's afraid that she's afraid that I got a better result than her son or what, I just dont know and dont care.

So, it's June now and we're about to enter July, so obviously I really need to get serious and no more fooling around. I'm just afraid that I cant achieve my all time ambition. As a bumiputra, I'm not afraid that I wont get into local Uni but I'm afraid that I wont get scholarship to further my studies in a better Uni. I just can bare to see my mum and dad to eat cucumber everyday just because they need to pay for my course fee. If they eat cucumber, then I'll have to eat sagu?!!

Life is short and just live your life to the fullest. And thanks mom for calling a man to fix a yellow light in my room. I have two white ones already but I think it would be good to hav another yellow one so that I'll be more dashing everytime I wake up early in the morning hehe.. So, mom got someone to make it for me and once again, thank you... I like it very much

2009-06-15T16:15:00.003+08:00

Omgosh, I tot I was the only one that like Leona Lewis's Run, but it turns out that one of the blogger put that song in their blog. Ahhhh.................. I tot I was a weirdo that like a song that so called 'nda best'!!

Neway, I just got back my add maths exam paper and yup, just as I'm so afraid of, I failed..... I'm so devastated because I need just 2 more marks to pass. This is so damn K.O. lar!!

SPM is getting nearer but there are so much 'fun' are ahead of me. One of it is bro is coming back from Russia on this coming Thursday, oh, or should I say arrive here kk on this Saturday night maybe because Russia is so bloody hell far from here. But something awkward was that bro always said he enjoyed so much all the way from there back to here. Gila bah him..... n this may be his last time coming back for holidays but for permanent after this because he will be finishing his study there next year(harap-harap). I remember bro almost quite too when there's one time(if I'm not mistaken it was before his second year) when he came back, he brought all his belongings, leaving nothing there because he's thinking of not going back there anymore. But in the end, he did went back there.

And for six years he had studied there, I realized that he had changed. He have become a more serious person and he even adviced me to study hard in which that is just not him(as what I know about him before he first went there).

This is clearly show that people can change when they know what they want...

Just now at school, our classroom key is missing, but thank God our teacher still have the back door key. But still, she urge us to find it until we found it. But, I guess nobody will be bothered finding for it again anyway.

Time goes by so fast that I still cant believe it's June already

2009-06-14T11:46:00.004+08:00

How those time pass. Chris is now become more and more naughtier but that's what makes him more cute, for me at least. I love him and Ben.

pictures of our Leo Forum from their website

2009-06-12T21:51:00.003+08:00

Lion Ester Yau, my inspiration, motivation

3 hearty raws, da leos spirit

the people that made it happen

the guy with black shirt and kasi naik sebelah kaki, ahhhh!! *melting*

two cuties in one photo,
I think you can know which two cuties I'm referring to :p

Chong chong juga paling manang bah(excellent club award)

dia punya badge bah yg paling silau!!!

us with Lion Karen and Lion Alex

during our ice breaking session.

(seriously, when I saw him, I melted even without being 'break')

That's Chong with our club's banner.

u go girl

Da Leos that attended the Forum.

There's about 400plus, almost reach 500 of us from the whole east Malaysia

The problem between my laptop and the camera havent solved yet,

so here's a few of it from our Leo Forum website

2009-06-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

I'm not stupid and I hav a pair of eyes to see and a brain to think... what happened?

everything that I'm facing now is like moving a mountain.

I do remember that I said I've let go but the truth is that it not easy for me to do so.

I'm may be still in the process of recovering from my anxiety,

I havent reach the part in which I hav to delete 'them' from my mind.

So, will I ever get through this?

I realized that everytime I smile,

I didnt did it secara rela hati.

It's like I'm forcing myself to do so to cover up everything.

I never thought that I need you there when I cry- by avril, when you're gone

(of course I didnt cry for that matter la, hav to act cool ma..)

I know I shouldn't be bothered when it happens,

but I just cant act like there's nothing happen.

And I would like to say sorry to all that I made my 'masam muka' with,

please, I just cant smile at that moment.

I hope that you will forgive me.

Everytime when I'm moody,

I know I am.

But I cant control myself even tho I knew that I shouldnt be.

So, I'll be quite rude by not smiling at people.

You see, I know it's wrong but I'm still doing it,

so that's kinda funny tho

Recent trip to Kuching with my school Leos peeps

2009-06-10T16:02:00.003+08:00

yup, yesterday I havent finish with my Kuching trip thingy. So, here it goes again:

During the Leo Forum at Santubong Resort, all of us had our own moment of uncomfortable situation but it didnt happened simultaneously to all of us. Debbie, Zirah and Farah had a stomachache while me, myself had a fever and sore throat. I felt like my head is going to explode when I woke up one afternoon as we just cant resist of having a 3 hours of nap and I'm feeling really nauseous. Then Chong brought me to meet with Dr Tan, also a Lion and he's giving a free consultation and medication for all of us. The headache didnt stop until later that night but the feeling of nauseous didnt stop until our last night back in Kuching town.

we bought a lot of things too especially the famous Sarawak layer cake. But I didnt manage to fulfill something(I wish to keep it as secret).

And I realized a lot of things had happened in this state of Sarawak but I just hav to face it and that's all. And this morning when I woke up, I've never been this happy since quite a long time maybe because I have already let everything go. I hav become a stronger person now but I still wish to be more stronger so that I can face the real world that I'm about to face when I enter University. Young bloods like us need to be inspired by someone that is as successful as Lion Ester. For me, participating the Leo Forum is not just about the certificate or the fun, but to build a better foundation in life to hold a bigger task in the future. It's not easy to reach for ur goal but it is always worth trying.

The love to somebody else will never be more important than the love to ur family,

and to reach for ur goal,

we should always be focused,

do not ever let some other feelings influence you.

It's always easy to say but hard to accomplish,

so it better getting to work on it now.

In the Forum,

we were also taught about 'we' is more important than 'I'.

Of course it makes sense but for me, it all depends on the situation.

I was alone one and a half yr ago at a totally different place with different culture,

but I survived.

From that moment,

I have adapted myself to do things alone.

But do I like it?

My answer is depend on who r my companion.

'We' only come in 'handy' when u n ur companion can work together.

If otherwise or you have to do all the work,

then it's better 'I' than 'we' as only u urself get the compliment without sharing it.

I've always been a selfish type of person but after I attended the Forum,

I've learnt to at least respect my friends.

I was picky and everyone knew that,

but trust me,

I will change.

I cannot always expect ppl around me to be perfect.

That's why I actually called Lee during the Forum and told her I trashed about her in this blog of mine and now we r both cool with each other.

No more problem.

And wholly damn, there were three vute guys I met in the Forum and I just cant stop looking at them. Well, not me alone, Fara n Db thought they're cute too. Funny thing was that we were like, same taste. All of us agreed that they were cute but they also saw another two guys r cute too. I'm bloody melted when I saw Jeremy making the cat walk. He's not just cute, he's hot too. I wonder will we meet again next year Forum in Sabah. I was in cloud 9 for a moment when I first saw him and that I cannot deny.

Anyway, since I had enough of shivering early in the morning in the hotel room for 4 days, last night I decided to not turning the air-conditioner on, it's once in a blue moon I'm sick of air-con tho because I shivered like shiat everytime I took my shower in the morning there. Now that I'm home, I'm so glad that I can at last conquer my bed alone in my own room. I really missed having my own space during the whole trip but it's fun too to have them spending 4 nights together. They are great people and they are funny too. I always lost control whenever I laughed with them.

As a conclusion, I really enjoyed myself in this whole trip to Kuching. I really wish that I can attend it again next year. I will upload the pictures that I've taken there when this laptop stop it's stupid old and usual anxiety/disease.

bye for my dear readers. Love ya'll

I love Kota Kinabalu

2009-06-09T19:48:00.003+08:00

Just arrived KK from Kuching and you can never imagine how glad I am to be back at home. I went to Kuching for the Leo Forum that I mentioned about in the previous post. Yup, it was ok except for the food that the resort served us, oh btw, we stayed at Grand Margherita(ex-Holiday Inn) on the first night as we went there a day earlier(the forum started on the 6th until 8th of June 2009 but we arrive there on the 5th) and the following two days at Santubong Kuching Resort while on the the last day, we stayed at Grand Margherita again.

I'm kinda lousy to type in every single activity and things that we did there, so here's the super duper summery about it and a bit of my thoughts and something tersirat that only a few people will understand:

early in the morning on the second day kan, 'wo sou dao yi ge hen da de chi ji'.....

so that's kind of sucks and I dont want to talk about it again... but I would like to make a 'kampung' punya pantun to express everything about it.

every seconds before now are considered as past,

people always said what past is past,

thy shall never look back,

but I never put that in mind but keep on looking back,

hoping something that I've started and ended will bloom again.

serve me right for not learning from my mistakes,

and as for the consequences,

I was in darkness,

every bits of it is like the flesh of my heart being teared down.

I always believe that everything is planned by God,

and everything that we're facing and doing is just a part of God's plan.

And it is proved that my belief is true.

since that happened,

I've changed because I'm truly inspired by someone,

someone that all of us should take her as a role-model,

that is,

Lion Ester Yau.

Thank You

When I'm in the moment of darkness, Lion Ester had really 'slapped' me when she gave us a talk. I'm really touched by her spirit, love, and efford towards her success. When I heard her talk, I realized that I have wasted so much of my time being in cloud 9 and everything that I've done is not enough. I've planned how to relax after my SPM but I never plan how am I going to reach for my goal. To be frank, I've made a goal that's far beyond my keupayaan and worst, I never even think of putting an effort I should be until I get the inspiration from Lion Esther. I was touched during the whole time actually but I only cried when the talk is about to end. Anyway, the tears didnt drop down my cheek as I hold them even when my friends told me to just let it go when they saw my eyes are 'watery'(thx anyway pal). I knew it all along but I just dont want to face it, that is, the success that i will get belongs to me, not him. Whatever I do, I do it for myself and my family base on my interest and the future that I want.

And I remembered Farah said that it's kinda sucks that our school don't hav guys but I wish to tell her that guys can be a real dufus and jerk sometime. And some of them are so annoying too. However, I didnt tell her that because I don't want to spoil her mood and we dont hav the same taste neway, so doesn't mean I hate it, she will hate it too. Of course I dont hate the existence of 'sejati' guys around me, haha, duhh........... who does??

I made my own version of Music Video for Leona Lewis 'Run' song when I'm in Santubong Resort because everything is so similiar with the real MV especially the trees, only this time my feeling really suits the lyrics of that song.

Talking about God's plan and strategies, here's some of the puzzle that I've plot them together:

I'm obses with Leona Lewis's 'Run', so i kept on finding a place that's really similiar as in the MV. When I found it, everything that I know will happen but I just dont want to think about it really happened. Everything is killing me softly but after I met Lion Ester, I revived by 'dying' immedietly then dying slowly(in other words, terus tidak mau pikir lagi) and focus on my goal. Before this, I always pray to God so that i will be truly inspired and now I really am. What past is past, I must carry on with my life and try to make it perfect. So that's why, never blame God when you're facing dificulties.

From this forum, I've learned a lot actually. I'm trying to change the way I act and think so that I can hav a better life and help others like how Lion Ester had helped me.

And now, it's all about the moments I had with my mates:

Generally, each of us spent most of our time with our handpahones whenever we're free. So we're like living in our own world. Our usual humour started on our third night and before that we kinda, seldom speak with each other and I'm kinda feeling guilty for being moody, u know, I shouldn't hav spoilt their mood too because of my problems.

oh, 5 of us slept on two docked queen size bed and for two nights, both of them I slept in the middle in which it hurts my back and shoulder whereas when we're in Santubong, 4 of us slept on two docked queen size bed in which we felt comfortable enough to even stayed in bed and missed all the seminars that we're suppose to go. Belive me, there r a lot of sleeping manner that really will make you laugh if you're there. I've seen many but I didnt reveal them all to my mates there because it's just too funny. There's one time me and the 'person' sleeping beside me almost 'mouth to mouth docking' because the space for each of us is just too limited. It's all started when I felt my forehead is warm and when I open my eyes, her face is just so close to mine. Just imaginelah, our forehead terkena suda............... I was shocked and my eyes are wide-opened, trying to see whose that person before I quickly make my 'reflex reaction' and turn to other side. It was quite creepy tho and I felt like I'm gonna hav a heart attack because everything happened so quickly......... and plz dont ask me who is that poor 'victim'.

Ada lagi yang asyik terkentut in the comforter. Isshhhhhh.......................

These are some of the funny cases that I know lar, I dont know about others that whether do they discover any funny manner about me sleeping. Anyway, I wrote down all these are just for you to laugh, not to humiliate my mates. Oh btw, they are Farah, Chong, Azirah and Debbie.

Now, let's proceed to the creepy part:

I had two lebam on my hands and creepy thing was that I dont remember they were hit by something. So, faham-faham lar. Maybe I talked to much or whatever I dont know lar... what matters now is that I'm at home and inside my own room having my leisure time alone. And then, I swear I heard something from the toilet on the 1st night we're at Santubong Resort and they thought that i was just kidding. Then, Farah was different for me that night. She's not her and I dont know where and how did I get that idea. But all of us are fine and I believe God is with us all the time. Amen

I'm kinda lost my mood on blogging right now, so if I think of something more that I want to post about, I'll do it tomorrow or later. Bye and have a nice dream Leos

tagged by org mintak pujie

2009-06-04T09:43:00.002+08:00

1. Besides your lips , where is the favorite spot to get kissed?
- i'll tell my other half which part.

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
- afraid that my hair will bengkok because i had a rebonding few days ago. so i quickly rush to the mirror and check it out

3. Who was the last person / people you took a photo with?
- my cousin and his wife during their wedding few days ago

4. Would you consider yourself spoiled?
-not at all... i guess

.5. Will you ever donate blood?- of course, I would love to.

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?
- duhh... I am a former coed school student.

7. Do you want someone to be dead?- no.

8. What does your last text message say ?
- 'Farah ba ni... ko punya luggage berapa besar? suda bli dres?'

9. What are you thinking right now ?
- what colour should I colour my nails

1o. Do you want someone to be with you right now ?
- not really, because if there somebody here, I cant stop giggling and I wont be able to colour my nails

11. What was the time you went to bed last night ?
- I didnt notice

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now ?
- at the music school that I used to go for the organ class

13. Is someone on your mind right now ?
-no

14. Who was the last person who text you ?
- Farah nissa anak afendi(she ever lied to that she's cikgu affendi's daughter)

TEN Lucky Person to do this quiz.
1)Chong
2)Nina(already did)
3)sandra(already did)
4)Miza(already did)
5)rach
6)cuz kim(if u hav time)
7)daph(if u happen to read this post)
8)pearl
9)celine
10)keele, dont 'kill' the cat

15. Who is no.2 having a relationship with ?
-alim ba tu, jan ko main2

16. Is no.3 a male or a female?
-u think? she's female but berkangkang mcm lelaki hehe lek ko san

17. If no.7 and no.1 get together , would it be a good?
- o my goodness, no hardcorely

18. What is no.1 studying about?
- pure science

19. When was the last time you chatted with them ?
-all my schoolmates, i think since last thursday while my cuzzy, I think when cuzzy Roy Martin punya house warming

20.Is no.4 single?
- well, since she's studying in La Salle now, who know there's a romance bloom between here and a La Salle boy hehe... anything could happen in a coed school

21. Say something about no. 2.
- Ketua menteri SMSM 2009/2010 ba itu... our school is counting on you

22. What do you think about no.3 & no.6 being together?
- noo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont even want to think about it

23. Describe no.9.
- a great mommy of two and trust me, she's still a hot chick

24. What will you do if no.6 and no.7 fight ?
- dua2 pun kurus, sa neutral jak

25. Do you like 8?
- of course, she the one that cause the death of coyotito

blood is thicker than water??

2009-05-31T11:13:00.005+08:00

For me, doesnt matter what is the density of the 'solution', they will all flow away when there's slope... harapkan anak, buta mata sebelah, harapkan kawan/orang lain, buta kedua-dua belahnya.

be thankful for what you hav right now for they will be gone before you realize it.

you r such a bloody fish bone in my tonsil

It's hard for me to lean at somebody's shoulder whenever I need it except at God's through prayer

It's better for me to be able to stand up straight by myself

if somebody claim that they know me, they're lying

I may be smiling and make stupid jokes to make people laugh, but the problems that I have will always stay inside me.

I'm just trying to hide it so that people won't notice because it's not like they can help me

as much as I hate her, at least she is a good listener

I came this far and made these 'investments' not only just for fun but also because of my pride

what goes around, comes around

my eyes still swollen because I cried last night while lying on my bed

I will be strong even without you supporting me

But I will still love ya'll

Biarla saya siok sendiri jaga hati kamu walaupun kamu tidak jaga hati saya

Three years from now I'll be long gone

(that line is from pink's who knew only I changed the 'you'll' word to 'I'll')

2009-05-30T10:50:00.002+08:00

Should I count my blessings now before they're gone??

I always afraid that all the things and people around me will be disappeared but since I dont know when since I'm not really sure when I've changed, I'm only afraid that I will lose the people around me that I love especially my family, never bother about losing my things.

I only do things for the sake of my own benefits but now, I will always stop, think and put my family first.

Neways, I will never forget to take my leisure time in my room about about something and do anything that I want before I start helling myself with add maths and physics.

And I've set my mind too because i have found what is my real interest, that is, really push myself in Chemistry, Physics and Add Maths because I love them so much and I want to take course that's related to that three subjects when I enter Uni maybe next year(go to hell Biology and Sejarah).

I hate Bio so much. i just dont get it, I read and revised my Bio but I forgot everything as soon as I got my Bio exam paper, sial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frankly speaking, if i got a B or C in Bio, that's because Christine has helped me during exam. Dont ever congratulate me because if you do so, I will be feeling so guilty and ashamed. Just let me forget the incident.

And i'm going to Kuching next Thursday for the Leo Forum in Santubong Resort. Man, I really cant wait for this event. The theme for the fellowship night is Pokka Dots or Strips and I choose Pokka Dots heheh........................ macam not my taste ler, but as long as I fullfill the theme, then it's alright lar and of course I cant wait for the whole hour of footlose later that night until midnight but I'm sure we wont be satistied with that one hour only but for two nights, both of these nights also got ma, so maybe ok a bit lar.

Bro is comiing back in the middle of this month from Rusia, so i cant wait for him to bring back some 'thang', maybe chocolate, makanan, Vodka, perfume or whatever lar.

So that's all from me today, bye dear readers

2009-05-28T16:04:00.002+08:00

nobody knows how bad I want to at least pass my add maths paper for this first semester exam. I really worked hard on it and because of that, I've been moody with everyone around me when I answered my add maths exercises wrongly and dengan dukacitanya I tell you that most of the time I do. So, I've been 'sour' face for quite a period of time now but thank God exam had finished and I'm able to smile again. I may have other problems disturbing me now but nothing made me more stressed than this moments of few months before SPM...

There were times I wanted to just give up and forget about my ambition, dreams and stuff like that but I always regain my spirit when I read cuz Kimmy blog. She wrote about how hell it was to just get her assignments done and that havent includes all the studies for exams. I was thinking, what I'm facing now is just a fingertip for her, so if I give up now, where else can I stand in the community after my SPM? To be somebody like her, I must stand still, genggam my hands and just go from 5 th gear to 10th gear.

I can count the big acnes that popped out on my face and head already because of the recent exam... :p

2009-05-23T14:35:00.002+08:00

Last night I had an amazing dream but unfortunately I was unable to catch 'it' in time before I woke up with full of sigh~

It's just so beautiful but it wasn't perfect enough. It's so close, I can even saw 'it' but the only thing is that I can't reach 'it'.

By the way, I'm revising my form 4 add maths syllabus and I hate myself so much because last time I did 'ayam-ley' in my test and exams for add maths because I didnt do much exercise causing that ass hole think that she's better than me. But as far as I know, she never earn herself a spot that's in front of me in class. Shame on you. And I remember that last year when we sat just next to each other, you made a list that you can come in third place in class and with full of confidence you categorized me as one of the weak student in class. Man, I almost laugh when I saw that list. Boy, looks like you never grow up aye~~

Losers just dont understand that only with imagination,

you cannot overtake people with just snipping your fingers.

Today my mood is : when you say nothing at all by Ronan Keating

2009-05-22T21:19:00.004+08:00

For two nights I've been dreaming of a place, a place where I got to meet you... (dui, jiwangnye~)

I will show you that I can do much much more better than you.

And I realized that when I'm stressed, acne will start popping out on my face and my head, as in terselindung oleh rambut saya. So not good lar, especially in these exam weeks.

Speaking of exams, just now we hav chemistry paper 2 and modern maths paper1 and frankly speaking, I dont know what kind of shit I wrote on the paper. This is the worst and the most dahsyat exam I ever had in my life. I felt like my heart been squeezed and teared down pieces by pieces by each of the question in the exam just now.

2009-05-21T17:00:00.003+08:00

Everytime when I sing a song or let it play in my mind, the lyric of that song is usually what I'm facing, thinking, want to express and got something to do with my mood

So here it goes, see whether can you tell what is the name of that song and what I'm feeling(the song that always played in my mind always sini satu line, sana satu line punya, so u may think that, "that's not the next line, that's the ending or chorus or isn't that from another song?"):
When you're gone, the pieces of my heart I'm missing you, I miss you~~ If someone said 3 years from now, you'll be long gone? who knew... I'll cherish all the moments we have together until we meet again

Last time before you left, we're so close, but so far away... but now, we're really jauh-jauh suda.

Anyway, ngai sat betul the teacher sotong that just moved from KKHS to Stella Maris. To soi betul o... adakah she gave us exam question yg copy paste punya and then more than 50% of the words cannot be seen lagi................. Kasi malu KKHS saja.
Sudalah the time for us to complete the paper very limited, then for us to read the question kan, we need at least few minutes to find out what the question is asking us by guessing words by words and then if ngam, we can just hope that what we guessed is really ngam punya. Macam sa mau juling o sbab mau tengok dekat-dekat......... budu betul, made me kept on maki-ing while torturing my pair of not-enough-sleep eyes...

TO SOI KA

I'll cherish all the moments I had here

2009-05-18T15:08:00.002+08:00

copyright from Daphne

I guess I'm not alone

2009-05-15T14:00:00.004+08:00

ada juga org pula yg pikir dia begitu...
oh ni kali org lain lagi arh, ni dari kelas sebelah ni, yg dulu sa pernah ckp tu ada org gosip ttg sa, dia laba tu... malas btul sa. nda tau dorang punya kelas lar, ada-ada saja org yg tiba2 ckp org lain dan org tu tia pernah pun ckp dia di belakang. isshhhh.........

at least I know I'm not alone that have a bad impression on her... puiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I love my class people so much except for 'dut..........................'

Betul-betul la dia boleh jadi master-mind, sa mcm ada lembut hati sua sikit everytime kami berckp... I maybe have forgiven her, but to forget everything that she has done to me, tengoklah dulu :p

I'm so stupid

2009-05-13T15:01:00.003+08:00

She is so fake!!! Jessica's right, I should have taken her advice and get away from her. U see, Jc as a silent and doesn't like to gossip type of gal at school even told me to not to trust her and be so close with her but I ignored her, and now, BARU SA TAU, BUDU BETUL SAYA NI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For all these time I've trusted her and told her all my secrets but she 'khianat' me. I'm so stupid for letting her monopoly my feelings.

I may be smiling at you but I hate you hardcore...................

I thought that I've found a person that I can trust but I was wrong, being a 'close' friend with you for more than a year, I should have seen the real side of you. Other people had seen it but when they told me, I even helped and defensed for you. Jc was like 'O no, dont trust her or you will regret' but I was like 'no lar, maybe she had changed, besides I really trust her and I even told her all my secrets including the darkest one'. And she replied 'hah, u did! habislah kau'.

So, habis cerita... now, I cannot tiba-tiba maki at you because u know all my secrets. As a conclsion, u r the fish bone that's poking my tonsil but I cannot vanish you just like that.

I've been a good listener, a clown for you and you even call me 'Do' in which I didnt gave you the permission to and always pura-pura kalah to you to jaga ur hati, and now you did this to me??

Bikin gali o u calling me Do(btw, it Dol). Only my family and closest friends like GPKs only can call me that. You??? Even before I hate you like now, I've been so irritated and annoyed when you call me like that. Just now you sms-ed about how to do the Task Specification, well let me tell you something, I wont tell you and wont help you. You've used me so much like dog already. I really had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s: sandra, diam-diam ah... terbucur tu semua sa punya secret... sa post ni sbab sa nda tahan btul2 ni